That Christ Might Increase

I made the switch

2011-10-16T18:22:00.003-05:00

Hello my dear faithful blog readers. I have decided to switch over to wordpress. There's a variety of different reasons for this switch, many of which I can't share here. So, please visit my new blog and follow me there as well as switch it in any blogrolls you might have if you so desire. I'm going to leave this up for a while, but after a month or so, I will delete it...so if you want to keep up with my life, please visit my new blog: http://lifeasasojourner.wordpress.com/

Accepted

2011-09-17T12:44:00.001-05:00

Last night I found this email in my inbox:

Dear Courtney,

Thank you for submitting your application for the following program:

Program: Study Abroad in Montpellier
Track: Integrated Studies
Term: Spring Semester 2012

We are happy to inform you that you have been accepted for participation!

I'M GOING TO FRANCE! WOOT WOOT!!! In January, Lord-willing, I'll leave. But what's on my docket now?

-Confirmation Payment Agreement
-Release and Waiver - LAC
-Health Information Form
-Montpellier Housing Form
-Course Interest-Semester
-Passport Copy
-Power of Attorney Copy
-Academic Planning Form
-Montpellier Internship App
-Montpellier Professional Rec
-Montpellier Cover Ltr-Resume
-Passport Photos - 5
-France Visa Instructions
-Orientation-Health and Safety
-Orientation-In Person
-Orientation-Montpellier
-Pre-Departure Preparation which includes the above stuff plus:
~Apply for University of Minnesota Study Abroad Scholarships
~Register for placeholder credits via U of M OneStop
~Complete a Student Information Release Authorization
~Grant Parent/Guest Access to allow your contact person view
~Book your flight.
~Enter your information into the "Pack your Electronic Suitcase" and "In Case of
Emergency (ICE)" parts of University of Minnesota's Electronic Portfolio
-Financial Aid preparation which includes:
~FAFSA
~FINANCIAL AID PREVIEW MEETING
~STUDY ABROAD COST ESTIMATE
~SUBMIT THE SACE (and I have no clue what that stands for)
~CLEAR HOLDS
~WEB FAAN
~PROMISSORY NOTES
~SATISFACTORY ACADEMIC PROGRESS POLICY
~TAXES AND NEXT YEAR’S FAFSA

Whew. I need to breathe. Did I mention homework on top of all of that? It's going to be a busy semester....

Let your GOODNESS bind my heart to thee

2011-09-04T12:13:00.000-05:00

I start school in 2 days. Am I excited? Not one bit. I keep telling people I'm kinda excited, but the more I think about it, I'm really not. It's been a tough couple of weeks. These three weeks since I got back have been some of the most emotionally rough weeks of my life and I know the rest of the semester is going to be exactly the same. And the thought of adding school on top of everything else just overwhelms me. I've also really been feeling the pressure of "You're a senior. What are you going to do for the rest of your life? Go, figure it out NOW!" I know in my head that I definitely don't have to have it figured out right now, but I certainly feels like it. And that pressure takes over sometimes and makes me not want to think about anything school related ever again in my life. (I'm not that much of a future planner/thinker anyway. I've so present-oriented).

So, I know that this semester is going to be rough. But I also know that I have a good God who delights to give good gifts to his children. And this semester will be a good gift no matter what happens.

Why in the world did I think I could
Only get to know you when my life was good
When everything just falls in place
The easiest thing is to give You praise

Now it all seems upside down

‘Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how it starts
I find You when I fall apart

Blessed are the ones who understand
We’ve got nothing to bring but empty hands
Nothing to hide and nothing to prove
Our heartbreak brings us back to You

I don’t know how long this will last
I’m praying for the pain to pass
But maybe this is the best thing that
Has ever happened to me
-Fall Apart, Josh Wilson

I want to give my all for Jesus

2011-08-31T15:45:00.003-05:00

"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought the field." -Matthew 13:44

I love this picture. Imagine walking in a field and stumbling upon a treasure that is more valuable than anything else you could work for or find in this life. It is more valuable than all you have now or will ever have in the future.

You look around and notice that no one else realizes the treasure is here, so you cover it up quickly and walk away, pretending you haven't seen anything. You go into town and begin to sell off all your possessions to have enough money to buy that field. The world thinks you're crazy. "What are you thinking?" your friends and family ask you.

You tell them, "I'm buying that field over there."

They look at you in disbelief. "That a ridiculous investment," they say. "Why are you giving away everything you have?"

You respond, "I have a hunch," and you smile to yourself as you walk away.

You smile because you know. You know that in the end you are not really giving away anything at all. Instead you are gaining. Yes, you are abandoning everything you have, but you are also gaining more than you could have in any other way. So with joy- with joy! - you sell it all, you abandon it all. Why? Because you have found something worth losing everything else for.
-from Radical, by David Platt

Backrubs, late night chats, French music and dresses

2011-08-26T20:39:00.002-05:00

I love these girls a lot.

And I got to spend 10 days with them. It was fabulous. :)

Heal My Broken Heart

2011-08-19T15:58:00.003-05:00

It seems like the past ten days were a dream. What happened? I made some really good friends, had my heart broken by saying goodbye, got no sleep and now I'm here. It hurts to look back, but it hurts to look forward at life without them. My fear is that I'm going to forget. That I'm going to forget the people, forget the memories, forget to pray, forget everything. I'm afraid that I'll get comfortable in my life again and just forget them. That I won't take the time and energy it takes to keep up with them. My life has changed and I'm afraid that I'll go back to the way life was before. But I'm also afraid that life won't here won't be enough. That there will be something missing from life that I know it now. That I won't focus on my friends here enough. I'm scared to walk down this path because I know what it will hold, but because I don't know what it will hold at all. I'm scared. I'm so scared of forgetting.

And at the same time, life seems so fake. I keep telling people that I'm happy to be back because it seems to be expected of me, but in reality, I'm not happy. My body may be here, but my heart is hundreds of miles away. In one aspect, I feel like I'm just going through the motions and I'm not really here, that this isn't really real. On the other hand, I feel like my trip was all a dream and now I'm in that fog of waking up. My heart is breaking because of all the goodbyes and no one understands. There's no way to explain it. How is it possible for the heart to love so deeply and break so much and hurt so painfully? I hate going through this. God is good. I'm clinging to him when every little thing brings the hurt back to the surface.

Anxiety...Trust...Tears...Change...

2011-08-03T23:09:00.002-05:00

For one of the first times in my life, I felt anxiety. True, pure anxiety. I'm still not sure if that's what it really was. I'm not an anxious person, at least I wouldn't consider myself anxious (my mom might have a few thoughts about that..I do freak out occasionally, but that's not anxiety). At work I had so many different things going through my head. For the first time I thought about what I was going to do in Europe and I got scared. A couple of the girls that I really wanted to be there and were one of the main reasons I'm going on this trip can't come anymore. Teens don't open up easily. It's hard to get into their lives. It's hard for me to leave. I don't want to go through last summer again. Saying goodbye was one of the hardest things in my life (besides insight goodbyes). Do I have to do that again?

Then I heard this song that a friend posted on Facebook.

Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up
Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
I could still be little
Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple

This song describes so much of what I feel. I've always said that I would love it if I could stay at this stage of life. I hate growing up. It means change. I hate change. The thought that things aren't going to stay like this makes me scared. I love my life right now. I can talk about the future and moving to France and my friends going places nonchalantly. But when I think about it, it scares me to death. I'm not always going to be surrounded by my precious friends. Our kids aren't going to be able to grow up together and be best friends. Everything is going to change. I've had a feeling of dread because of that ever since last summer. And the changes are starting. And I hate it. I buck at every step along the way. It's a tug-of-war between me and God. "I can't give this change to you God." "Trust me." "I can't. It won't work out for good. It can't because I'm not in charge." "But I'M in charge. It will be for your ultimate good."

Why is trust so hard? I want control. If I had control, nothing would change. The insighters would still be here. My friends wouldn't be going off to school. My friends wouldn't be dating. We would all be hanging out all the time. We'd stay here forever. But my plan wouldn't be for my ultimate good. God has a reason for every little change that happens in my life. And he will bring about my ultimate good. Always. In every change.

Today, I was walking with one of the kids of the family I pca for. She was walking on the side of the park, you know the curb like part that you always pretended was a balance beam when you were a little kid? (at least I did). She was wobbling as she walked, trying to keep her balance. I held out my hand, but she didn't take it and kept wobbling. Finally, she took my hand and immediately she could walk without wobbling and had almost perfect balance. That's how I am with God. I'm walking through a tough change of life in the ups and the downs and I can't keep my balance. God holds out his hand to help steady me and I refuse to take it. I refuse to trust him. But I can't go on like that forever. When I finally take his hand and trust him with every little part of my life, life becomes more steady. I can balance easily. The path might not be easy and there might be difficult turns where it looks like I might fall, but I am always safe when I am trusting God and holding his hand.

6 days

2011-07-30T16:56:00.002-05:00

Next Friday I leave for Europe. I'm going over to work with TCKs like I did last summer in SE Asia. It was such a wonderful experience and I'm so glad that a few of the kids I had last summer will be there at this conference as well. It's crazy to think that we leave in less than a week, yet I couldn't be more excited to see what God is going to do in my life and in the lives of the families that will be there.

With that said, I would ask for prayer. Our team and the people in charge of the conference are experiencing a lot of spiritual warfare in very tangible ways (unexplainable sickness, loosing the venue, weird body ailments and more). Would you pray that we would be protected from the attacks of the enemy because they are coming fast and furious. Would you also pray that God would be working in our hearts and lives as we serve and in the hearts of lives of the family as they get a little bit of a break from life? And would you also pray that all the support needed would come in? Right now, I'm at about halfway and there's several people below me as well. Would you pray that God will move in people's hearts if he wants them to give and that we would trust God in that aspect?

Be praying for us. It's a battle field out there.

PS. If you want to support us, here's how:

Online Giving:
1. Go to http://giving.hopeinGod.org
2. Create a site account on the Giving page
3. Login and cick the "Create Account" button and follow instructions
4. On the Giving page, click the "Fund" and "Subfund" menus to select team and individual that you would like to support
5. Fill out the support amount and schedule information
6. Fill out the payment method and info. make sure you fill out all items marked with a "*" as they are required to complete the form and if paying by eCheck, type the word "AGREE" in the field at the bottom
7. Press the Schedule New Contribution button at the lower right part of the form to complete your contribution.

Mail:
Send a check (without my name on it) made out to Bethlehem Baptist Church with a note that says it's for Courtney Ayers and the Europe 2011 trip to:
Bethlehem Baptist Church
c/o Tina Lowe
720 13th Avenue South
Minneapolis, MN 55415-1793

Change is Constant

2011-07-27T18:16:00.003-05:00

More than anything in the world, I hate change. I hate little changes (like my toothbrush being in the wrong spot, or the ice cream cones at work being messed up [yes, there's a story for that one. :P]) and I hate big changes, like people leaving my life. It seems like there's always a lot of leaving and never enough coming. Last week, I was at a birthday party for a dear friend and his dad said that we don't know what the future may hold in store, so we need to take advantage of the time we have right now. That hurts. These are the friends that I've grown up with, the friends that have been with me through thick or thin.

My dad keeps reminding me that he isn't friends with any of his high school, let alone college, friends. I don't want that to happen. That thought brings tears to my eyes. I've always had this idea that we'll all grow up and live within ten minutes of each other and our kids will be best friends. With several of us called towards missions, that thought just isn't realistic. I want each one of us to follow God's plan, but it hurts knowing that it will tear us apart.

But though we will (most likely) be apart physically, we are pursuing the same goal and we will be reunited once again. We will worship God perfectly together FOREVER. And while we are going through the separation, God has been so faithful and he will continue to be faithful. God is what holds our friendship together. We'll always be able to pick back up right where we left off. And thank goodness for Skype.

Thoughts on Twenty

2011-06-30T13:32:00.000-05:00

I turned 20 on Sunday. It feels weird to say that I'm in my 20s. I've been alive for 20 years. That's such a strange thought. And I've been privileged to share 18 of those years with this handsome kid:

We had a big formal dinner to celebrate.

But that's not what this post is about. I read through my journals from the past year since my last birthday. It was quite the year. So many things happened, socially, emotionally, spiritually. It was quite an up and down year, looking back at it. I read this journal entry from March and I thought it summed up the year ever so well:

"I just read through my whole journal thus far. At the beginning of this year, I wrote (and prayed): "I'm going to live in obedience to God no matter what it takes. I want to live so that my life (or death) points to Christ...I want to be in situations where only God can act, where only God can save the day...I want to surrender all. I want to hold nothing back. I want to put every hope in God's faithfulness to his promises. I want to trust him." When I wrote that, I was thinking big picture, like missions. For right now, God was thinking little picture. He was thinking about this semester, right now, loving him no matter what. This semester has been so hard so far, but it's been so worth it. I've had pride broken, control taken out of my hands, dreams put on hold, sin exposed. It's hurt. It's hurt really bad. But it's been wonderful. I can see God at work in my life. Each day is such a fight, such a battle. But each day I see glimpses of God working in the mist of the fray. God's still holding onto me. And I'm clinging onto him with every ounce of strength I can muster. On my birthday last year I prayed that on my next birthday I would lvoe Jesus more. Whether I do or not, I definitely feel like I don't love him more. I feel so full of pride and sin. My love is so faulty and frail and feeble. But God is a God who answers prayer and I know that he is working in my life to make me more like him."

So was 19 a good year? It was a wonderful year. It had it's ups and downs just like life. But all-in-all, I couldn't have had a better year. And I'm excited to see what God does in the upcoming one!

And so for this upcoming year of year of life, I want to repeat that prayer. Lord, i don't know if I love you more now than I did last year, but I do know that you've been working in my life this last year in some crazy ways. Lord, I pray that you would incline my heart to your testimonies in this next year and not to selfish gain. I pray that you would open my eyes to see wonderful things in your word. I pray that you would unite my heart to follow you and run hard after you with all that I am. I pray that you would satisfy my soul with you or I'm going to be looking for satisfaction in other places that won't satisfy. And Lord, I pray that you would help me love you more at this time next year than I do now. I don't know what that will look like, but I do know you're a God who answers prayers. So work in my life. Kill my sin. Help me be content in you alone, no matter what. Help me trust you and your plan, no matter what. In Jesus' name, amen.

A letter (of sorts) to my best friend

2011-06-13T10:51:00.003-05:00

My best friend Rachel is getting married on Saturday. I couldn't be more excited. I get to be in my very first ever wedding. And Adam is such a godly man who will lead and protect her and lead her more towards Christ. He's absolutely perfect for her. I'm so excited to watch God work in their lives and to see where he leads them in the future. It's going to be a big change and things are going to be different, but I couldn't be happier.

What do I like about Rachel so much? Well, let me fill you in....

She's so sweet and caring. She wants to know everything about my life. She will listen to me chatter and chatter and chatter some more. She doesn't mind. I can tell her everything and know that it's safe with her! But I can also be quiet around her. We can sit in a room and work together and we don't have to talk. That's a sign of a great friendship.

She also prays. She prays for little things like French tests and big things like missions trips. She prays for health issues. She prays for friends. She prays for all the issues in my life. And she craves prayer for herself too. She knows that she can't do anything by herself and she longs for others to be interceding before the father on her behalf, which, in my eyes, is such a sign of humility.

She loves to laugh. The other night I was over at her house making cookies and we started watching hilarious videos on youtube and we just laughed...for at least half an hour. It was wonderful. She always knows how to make me laugh.

We share so many memories. I've known her since we were ten I think. I think even before GiGi, which is crazy. We've done so many crazy things in our lives together. She was at my baptism, my graduation, at every milestone in my life she was there.

This past year we didn't get to see each other a lot and though I'm convinced it was mostly my fault, she always apologized for not being able to hang out. Another sign of humility. But every time we did we were able to pick up and just talk and laugh and hang out and go deep. She knows so much about me.

She always feeds me. I've gotten to the point where when I leave to go to their house and mom asks me if I've eaten, I just tell her "The Marinos will feed me." I love her family too. They include me in stuff and welcome me into their house all the time.

I love this girl a ton. Words can't describe it. I'm so excited for her to get married. Words can't describe that either.

Rachel, I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you, making my prayer with joy because of your partnership in the Gospel from the first day until now. And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion on the day of Christ. It is right for me to feel this way about you, because you are a partaker of grace with me...as God is my witness, how I yearn for you with the affection of Christ. And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent and so be pure and blameless on the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ to the glory and praise of God (taken from Philippians 1:3-11). And I pray that in your marriage your love for God would grow deeper and deeper as you fall more in love with Adam. I pray that you would be satisfied in God alone. I pray that God would give you everything you need when you need it as you walk through the inevitable trials of this life. I pray that you would run constantly to Christ, the author and perfecter of your faith, and that nothing you encounter would turn you from your faith, but would only strengthen you. I pray that you would serve your husband well. I pray that you would be a submissive wife who displays Christ's relationship with the church in glorious ways. I pray that you would be a mother (Lord-willing) someday whose children rise up and call her blessed. I pray that you would be a woman who is praised in the gates (and I know you will be). I pray that God would use you and Adam in many mighty ways to further his kingdom (and I know he will). I pray that you would seek the Lord above all else in every area of your life and that you would treasure Christ above all. I pray that God would be glorified in everything you say and do.

I love you,
Courtney

Random Events of Everyday Life...

2011-06-01T22:32:00.008-05:00

Caleb and I both wore our Minneapolis Marathon shirts yesterday (from last year when I ran my first 5K). We wanted pictures. So Garrett took some. More than plenty.

I love my brother.

My Jesus will repay from his fullness all he takes away

2011-05-25T22:09:00.003-05:00

This weekend we had a mini insight reunion. We had about half our class there at any given time. After Thursday, I had a blog post written in my head and had started it, but I got interrupted. Now, after the whole weekend, I have so many thoughts in my head and a totally different blog post to write. It was a really good, but really hard weekend. And I'm just going to share some excerpts from my journal from each night to help you see a little glimpse into my heart now and to try to explain what Insight did to me. They're in chronological order (Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday).

"It was so wonderful. It was so great to relive memories. It was fantastic to be teased about the French again in the way only they can. We played Mafia with Joe narrating...I love how we all act crazy around each other and are just truly ourselves. We truly are family...It fees so normal, so natural to be with them. There's a quote from the Last Battle that really stuck out to me (I just reread them): "The reason why we loved the old Narnia is because it sometimes resembled the true Narnia." The reason why we like living on earth is because in some small ways, it's a shadow of heaven. Insight is like that for me. That's my picture of heaven, only heaven will be a thousand times better. I can't wait, but my heart aches for my insight peeps. A part of my heart went with them and I'll never get it back. And no one besides them completely understands or will ever completely understand."

"I hung out with the insight gang again tonight. I get butterflies in my stomach every time I do. I think it's pure joy. While I was driving today, every minute literally seemed like an hour. I couldn't wait to be there...We went to the Stone Arch Bridge. We relived memories and made new ones. It was such a great night. They encourage my soul in a way no one else can. I feel closer to them than a lot of my close friends. I feel completely like family with them. That year changed my life in a way I never expected. And now I'm missing pieces of me to each student. And that's ok. I know I need to move on, but there's a part of me that will never move on. It's been two years. Two very long and very short years. That's crazy. And I think I miss it more every day. I never knew my heart would grow to love people like that. I didn't know it could. But it did. It hurts. But it's good. I wouldn't have changed anything...I definitely took it for granted when I did insight. And now it's over. But God is good. And every time I hang out with them, I love him more, no doubt about it."

"We're really making the most of it while we can. It's been harder and easier hanging out for a while weekend. It's been easier because instead of saying goodbyes, it's see you tomorrows. We know we're going to see each other again (Lord-willing). But the more I see them, the harder I know it's going to be to say goodbye. Part of me just wants to close off so I won't have to go through the pain and hurt when they leave. All of me wishes I could do this everyday. I love them. I love them sooo incredibly much. More than words can say. It's hard to let go. It's hard to say goodbye once and then reopen myself knowing I'm going to have to say goodbye again. That hurts. But I praise God that our goodbyes here, as final as they seem this time, aren't ever going to be goodbyes forever. It's only a see you later, even if that's in heaven. It just hurts to have to go through so many hellos and goodbyes. But the hellos are worth all the goodbyes."

"Today was the final day of insight people hanging out...I cried so hard on the way home...This was one of the best weekends ever. It's so hard to see it end...Sometimes I look back and wish I had spent more time with them. If there's one thing that I could have told myself from this side of it, it would be to spend every waking moment possible with them. I took my short time with them for granted and now I regret that. Not any time spent with them, just that I didn't spend more time with them...I love them. So much. They'll always be dear to my heart. And pieces of me will always be with them. And it will always hurt to get together because I know there will be a painful goodbye. But this is not the end. There will be no end to our joy together."

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

The sun is shining...today is good.

2011-05-16T17:11:00.003-05:00

I'm done with school. I finished last Thursday. It feels so good and so weird and so awful at the same time. I came into the U last semester knowing that I wasn't going to make life long friends and not really expecting to have any friends. But those of you who know me even a little know that I love people. There were several friends who always knew that I wouldn't make it out of the semester without making at least a couple friends. They were right. At the end of the semester, I had four or five good friends and two really really good friends. I hated the fact that since we were different majors I probably wasn't going to ever see them again. I was dreading this semester because I knew I'd have to start all over with friends that I'd never see again and I didn't want to do that again. It's one of the downsides of getting really emotionally attached to people.

Well, this semester started and I made really good friends. I got especially close with four other girls in my stats class. We would hang out after class, go out to lunch, do homework together and just talk. We got together for lunch last Friday before everyone left for the semester and just talked. It was wonderful. And I'm going to miss it. My social psyc teacher wrote us a note at the end of the final saying we were one of the most interactive classes she's ever had and that we made her job enjoyable, even when she didn't want to teach. I wanted to cry. Really hard. That's probably the one thing that made this semester really hard to end.

But, this semester did have a positive side because a lot of the girls from stats will be in some of my psyc classes next semester. So this isn't the end. God is good.

Une Peinture de Ma Vie

2011-05-03T16:51:00.003-05:00

A little picture into the life of Courtney recently:

-We had a bomb threat at the U last week. It was pretty exciting. The last half of biology got canceled!
-Wednesday night in kindergarten/1st grade: after the lesson, I take my small group into a corner to talk about the lesson for a few minutes before I let them color. When we had prayed, I asked them if they wanted to stay and talk or go and color. One girl said, "I want to stay and talk about Jesus!" What a blessing to my soul.
-Saturday I took the little boy I pca for to the Mall of America to ride escalators (one of his all-time favorite things to do, no joke!). I was carrying him from the parking lot to the mall and arrived just in time to hold the door open for two ladies with strollers. When we got to the second door, I again held the door open for them. The second one turned around and told me "I can tell you know what's it's like being a mom." (and that's the third time people have implied/asked me if they're my kids while I've been with my pca family)
-Sunday we had our annual Scoops for Troops event at work. Literally probably my favorite day of the year. I got to help Marjorie Johnson (SOO cute!), the Eagan major and Little Miss Eagan princess scoop ice cream. Pictures will come soon.
-Today I had my first final. The end is in sight! 4 more finals, 8 more days and I will be DONE!

Rain and Jesus

2011-04-22T20:27:00.010-05:00

A couple days ago it rained. It was only for maybe 10-15 minutes max. But it was glorious. The sun was setting and it was a light rain and it was warm. All of us were outside running around.

It's been raining yesterday and today. Except it looked more like this:

It's hard not to be depressed. After such a beautiful, glorious rain shower, I want every other rain to be like that one. It's hard not to be down because spring still hasn't come. Knowing that it's so close, but yet so far. But God is good. Rain is a blessing. "For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good and sends rain on the just and the unjust." -Matthew 5:45. Rain is a blessing from God to show his mercy to us. Rain is beautiful no matter what because it is a gift we don't deserve. And my longing for spring is small in comparison of my longing for my Savior to return. Jesus is coming. The fact that is's a cloudy rainy day is small in comparison with that. Maranatha Lord Jesus!

My Superpower :)

2011-04-20T16:50:00.004-05:00

Two things made me smile today. First was after seeing this in my room after a week of grey and rainy and cold (and even snowy) weather.

The second was getting this in a text from my dear friend Ruth.

PS. (written 20 minutes later). THE SUN IS OUT! woot woot!!

Hmmm....you should read this. Yes. You. Now.

2011-04-13T21:57:00.005-05:00

Yes, I'm sorry. Here's another link related to France. Actually, I'm not sorry. I'm enlightening your life. You'll thank me for it later. Read this link. It analyzes the major languages of the world to figure out which 12 languages are best for English speakers to learn. French, Most Useful Second Language for Engish Speakers. Just in case you blow this off...I'll copy their list for you, but you should go check it out for yourself because I'm sure some of you (*cough*jon*cough*) won't believe me.

"By these criteria (demographics, personal impact and and business factors) we can come up with a ranking of the 12 most useful languages for an English speaker to learn:

1. French: 24 points
2. Spanish 21 points
3. Arabic 13.5 points
4. German 12 points
5. Russian 11 points
6. Italian 10.5 points
7. Hindustani 9.5 points
8. Mandarin 9.5 points
9. Portuguese 8 points
10. Swahili 6.5 points
11. Japanese 5.5 points
12. Turkish 5.5 points"

Pray for France..part 2

2011-04-12T23:10:00.003-05:00

A couple weeks ago, I wrote about the Pray for France campaign. I just wanted to share their promo video because it says explains it all (somewhat cheesily). You can still join the campaign and just keep praying after the month is over by following the booklet and praying for your own 21 days. To be perfectly honest, I haven't kept up with the booklet and I'll be going past April 17th. So any day is the perfect day to start!

The broken circle of memories

2011-04-10T22:47:00.004-05:00

I love this blanket. It's one of the warmest, softest blankets I know. It was my grandpa's. It smells like him. Burying my face in it reminds me so much of him. I love my grandpa. I miss him.

.Spring.

2011-04-07T23:31:00.004-05:00

Spring is finally here in Minnesota. Pictures, nor descriptions, do it justice. You just have to be here for it. The city of Minneapolis and the U campus have come alive. There's a buzz in the air almost. Everything seems so new and clean. The air smells so fresh. Everyone is starting to come out of hibernation mode. Coats are packed away; shorts are out. I love wearing skirts every day! It's so wonderful walking around campus with people playing football and chalk all over the sidewalk. Feeling a warm wind on your face and ruffling through your hair is so incredible after the cold winter wind. The fact that spring has come has made this week with four tests so much more bearable (one more left!). I came home today and I told mom that I was so filled with joy.

Other things that have made me happy this week:
-having my summer work schedule all figured out
-the fact that there's only 4 weeks left of school
-almost having my fall schedule nailed down (I would have it all figured out, but they keep changing the schedule on me!)

Factoids

2011-04-05T23:01:00.002-05:00

Fact #1: I accidentally had banana for the first time in years tonight. I was reminded why I hate banana with a passion.

Fact #2: Michael Buble and Josh Groban are the best study music.

Fact #3: It's about a month until Easter. My good friend Jon has some great resources for preparing your heart for Easter here, here and here. You should most definitely go check them out (and just check out his blog in general...it's extremely encouraging and helpful).

Fact #4: Lord-willing I'm going camping for a weekend with the family I PCA for. SUPER excited!

Fact #5: There's chalk covering the sidewalks at school, nobody's wearing coats, people are wearing shorts and people are playing football on the mall. Spring has finally come to Minnesota (and I'm pretty sure it's to stay, but you never know)

Fact #6: I successfully finished test 1 out of 4 today (and left my TA tons of notes in French and pictures!). So now I have to go study...toodles (as GiGi would say) :)

Just another conversation

2011-03-30T21:14:00.002-05:00

While we were down in Nebraska this past weekend, we got to go visit my great Aunt Valasta. She is absolutely fantastic. She's almost 97 and she's still living in her own house. She shared with us some fabulous nuggets of truth while we talked with her; I thought you might want to share them...

(after talking about taxes): "Those people in the government are ding-a-lings. Excuse me, but they really are ding-a-lings."

"Some people just drive like idiots."

(after telling us a story about how a guy almost ran into her because he didn't stop at a stop sign): "If I hadn't stopped, he would've driven straight into me; he was such a jackrabbit."

"People complain about postage going up. But it's all because they use those email things. We should've buried computers before they started."

It's the end

2011-03-28T18:12:00.003-05:00

My grandpa died early this morning. The funeral's on Saturday (which is a blessing in and of itself, so I won't miss school). It hasn't sunk in yet. At least not fully yet. I think about it and it seems normal one minute; the next minute it seems horribly abnormal and awful. It hits in waves. It seems like I'm living in two different worlds. I go to school and no one knows. No one really cares (though they probably would if I told them). Life is normal with them. But then I get to my phone or my facebook or see my other friends and there are floods of texts and messages and hugs waiting for me and it seems like I should be mourning and filled with grief. I'm torn between what to feel. I know tears are coming; I know the grief is coming, but it's not here yet. And I feel like it should be. And I have this awful feeling it's all going to hit at the most inconvenient time.

Throughout all of this, it has been wonderful to have the body of Christ surrounding our family. All the prayer, love, meals, texts, facebook messages, everything has been so wonderful. Thank you all! Christ is so evident in your lives and in your love to us.

Ok, off to work...off to try to figure out what's normal right now...off to figure out what emotions are going to hit next...off to run to Jesus for strength...

Pray for France!

2011-03-27T20:59:00.002-05:00

Every year, the Christian Community of France does a specific 21 days of prayer for France. This is the first year that I found out about it, but I'm super excited! You might ask why France? It's in the middle of Europe. Europe's pretty reached, right? That has been true in the past, but now Europe is extremely secular. In fact, 30% of France is atheist and less than 1% are Evangelical Christians.

Most of you who know me or have spent any time reading my blog know that I love France. God has put on my heart a burning passion for the people of France to see the beauty of the Gospel and for their to be a wide-spread opening of hearts toward Jesus.

I would encourage you to go to their website and download the free prayer guide and pray hard for France that God would turn many hearts to love him.

http://www.prayforfrance.org/

You give and take away

2011-03-24T16:47:00.004-05:00

This is going to be short, sweet and to the point, but I wanted to ask you for prayer. My grandpa's dying. They say that this might be his last weekend alive. We're going down to Nebraska this weekend. That we know of, he's not a Christian. Please pray that we will have opportunities to share the Gospel and that God would be pleased to open the eyes of his heart to see Jesus as beautiful. That he will look to Jesus and live.

"The Lord sets the prisoner free, the Lord opens the eyes of the blind." - Psalm 146:7-8

Every good and perfect gift is from above!

2011-03-22T23:26:00.003-05:00

My dad got laid off last summer. He was hired back at his company until December and since the middle of December he hasn't had a job.

Today he had an interview and within an hour later they had called and offered him a job. It doesn't even seem possible in a sense. I've been kind of hesitant to tell people because it seems like if I say something it'll end up not being real. And to be honest, I don't even know what he's going to be doing. I just know that it's a contract-to-hire position for 6 months and then Lord-willing long term and it's down in Apple Valley. (I still wish he had gotten the job he applied for at the U though. That would've been cool!)

I was talking with Dad today on the way home from school about how this had God's hand written all over it. Door after door closed until this one opened last week. The whole process from the first phone call to the job offer took a week. Wow. God is so amazing.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above coming down from the father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." ~James 1:17

(ps. I got my final blog design down, thanks to Judah for pointing out an Eiffel Tower one!)

A lesson in humility

2011-03-20T17:51:00.006-05:00

As Kyle Substad very aptly said once, "Courtney either has a brace on her wrist or tape on her toes." It's true. I've sprained both my wrists and my toe and continue to have problems with all three.

And two weeks ago, I sprained my wrist again. Actually sprained it. It's not just acting up and hurting. It's sprained. I'm so thankful it's my left wrist or I'd be in deep kimchee. And these two weeks have been two of the hardest and most humbling weeks of my life.

The last time I sprained my wrist was the summer before I started working. So this is my first time with a sprained wrist working. It's been extremely humbling to have to ask for help. I can't do dishes (which I feel bad about). I can't wring out rags. I can't lift heavy things. I can't open lids to some buckets. I can't. I can't. I can't. I feel bad making people do things for me. I hate having to ask. Having to ask for help is acknowledging my inabilities. And that's not easy.

And then I realized that's what it's like for us as humans trusting God. When we pray, we are asking God for help and acknowledging our weakness. Perhaps this is why my stubborn, prideful heart finds it so hard to pray more. Perhaps this is why it's a struggle to pray. My pride doesn't want to acknowledge my weakness. It wants to think that I can do everything in my own strength. But I can't. There are moments where this is very evident and I run to Jesus for strength. But there are days and moments where my pride comes out very subtly and it's not easy to acknowledge that I need help. It hurts my pride. But that's where I want to be, as hard as it is.

(and I figured it was time for a change to the blog. So there you go. Don't be too surprised. It may change back if I have a hard time getting used to it)

God won the battle

2011-03-16T21:41:00.005-05:00

I love watching little kids learn about God. Tonight I taught a lesson on how God is the only God worthy of praise and how human beings make idols and how all our worship goes to God alone. During small group, I read them the story of Dagon. As I was reading, precious little Silas yelled "HURRAY!" when I read the part where Dagon falls over the first time. And when I read that he fell over the second time, he puts his hands up in victory and said "Yes!" As he left, I asked him "Who won the battle Silas?" With a precious smile on his face, he responded, "God did!"

Praise Jesus for opening eyes in little hearts.

Friends Change

2011-03-13T20:00:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had someone come into your life only to leave extremely soon after you meet them? I had one of those. Her name is Natalie and she's from Illinois.

The first time I met Natalie was at work. It was kind of a stressful moment and all of a sudden I hear my coworker Lauren say, "And that's...um...that's...Courtney!" I found myself being introduced to this customer that I figured I'd never see again in my life in the middle of a stressful night. I was kind of annoyed, not going to lie. The next week (or maybe a couple days later), in walked Natalie with a smile on her face and a "Hello Courtney! How are you?" on her lips. I was astonished that she remembered me when I barely remembered who she was. I didn't even know her name. But from there began a friendship that lasted maybe six months. It grew to be such a fun thing. My coworkers Lauren and John (who are now two of my really good friends [that was for you Meredith!]) and I got really close with Natalie. And the cool thing was, she's a Christian, just like us. So we talked about everything. I discussed my life plans with her, the longing to be married, life in general, school, how I felt called to missions and how that started, it was fantastic.

But her job was only temporary and now she's back in Illinois. :( She came in the other night to say goodbye and I nearly cried at work. I'm so thankful that I got to meet her...it's just hard saying goodbye, especially after so short a time. Sometimes I think "what was the point? Why even get so close with her if she was going to leave?" I wonder why God let her into my life just to take her out again. I get so emotionally attached to people that it's hard to let them go. And I don't know why. I probably won't ever know why. Which hurts. But that's ok. I rest in the fact that God had a plan for our lives that we would meet. And he has a plan now. And I'm trusting that.

We miss you Natalie!

(We took a bunch and this is the only one John looks remotely sad in...)

Jesus Paid it All

2011-03-03T00:27:00.006-06:00

I should be in bed. I'm going to pay for this tomorrow morning. But right now I need to write.

Tonight I had a first in my life. Two weeks ago in Kindergarten I taught the lesson "Satan tries to keep us from the Bible." We talked about how Satan doesn't want us to spend time with God and how we need to have a battle plan to help us fight the battle against Satan. The morning of that day, I didn't spend time with God. I had this nagging feeling as I was teaching that I was teaching something I didn't practice. Tonight I taught "Be doers of the Word and not hearers only." Throughout the day, little thoughts kept popping into my head, which I promptly hid. Thoughts such as, "You shouldn't be teaching these kids. You aren't doing what you're telling them to do. You're not a doer. You're a hypocrite." After I taught, while I was driving home, Satan drove these thoughts into my head full force. For a split second, I started believing them. But then I cried out to God. I didn't know if I was making all of it up or if I was really being attacked by Satan. But either way, I saw my sin and I was broken hearted over it. I was in the depths of despair over my sin for the very first time.

At the beginning of the drive, I popped in a CD. It was a Passion CD. And as the tears were streaming down my cheeks and as I cried out to God to ward of these darts of the enemy and to forgive my of my sin and to help me cling to him, Jesus Paid it All started playing.

I hear the Savior say
Thy strength indeed is small
Child of weakness watch and pray
Find in me thine all in all

Jesus paid it all
All to him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow

As I drove, I was sobbing over my sin and over the fact that it was all forgiven (it probably wasn't the safest way to drive, but hey, I got home safely!). All the emotions I've been suppressing and hiding because of my crazy busy schedule the past couple weeks came out. I completely realized my sin and was truly broken-hearted over it. Yes, I've had times where I've seen my sin and I intellectually know how bad it is, but I've never felt that. I've never felt guilty over my sin like this. I've never cried over my sin. I've never despaired over my sin. I did tonight. It was awful and wonderful at the same time.

Since I've gotten home, I've been listening non-stop to Josh Wilson. If there's two CDs I could listen to over and over again without them getting old, it's his two CDs. These two songs mean the most to me and have for the past couple of weeks:

Savior Please

I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have

Fall Apart

‘Cause my whole world is caving in
But I feel You now more than I did then
How can I come to the end of me
And somehow still have all I need
God, I want to know You more
Maybe this is how starts
I find You when I fall apart

I don’t know how long this will last
I’m praying for the pain to pass
But maybe this is the best thing that
Has ever happened to me

Clinging to the one who has everything I need...

My family is nuts

2011-02-16T21:58:00.001-06:00

This is what I live with every day of my life...times two.

His Mercies are New EVERY Morning

2011-02-13T21:39:00.005-06:00

Things that made me smile today:

Being able to walk to the store to get groceries
Having an hour+ conversation with a good friend on the front porch while watching the sun set
Little brothers goofing off
Walking in puddles not snow
Playing with the dog
Dunn Bros and Olive Garden breadsticks with friends during second service
Watching GiGi get excited while looking through my biology book

It was a good day of worshipping God through the many blessings he gave me.

Another Guest Post Entitled: Geoffrey

2011-02-12T15:39:00.004-06:00

(last year my sister GiGi wrote a guest post. I asked her back again)

Geoffrey is weird. He is playing computer on all day. (Geoffrey: "I am not." GiGi: "You are too." Geoffrey: "Am I on the computer now?" GiGi: "Well, all the time on mom's.") Geoffrey read whole night reading. And Courtney umm... (Geoffrey: "Does the same.") Courtney umm.. she is going bed at 5:00 AM. (Geoffrey: "Go on. Tell me what this Courtney does when I'm not awake.") Courtney wake up at 4:00 AM. She eat breakfast till 6:00. Caleb he run a race at 5:00 AM. He eat at 4:00, one hour till 5:00 AM. He starts at 4:30ish. He is done at 20 hours and 20 minutes. Geoffrey he is running off to other house. And Caleb is here at the house and he is putting the gloves on the table. He come back at race at 10:00. He is very very very very very very tired. And my brother Garrett, Garrett is very very sick today. Actually not today, sorry, umm...last day (yesterday), he is very very sick and his mom check the ears, he should have checked his ear thing he is sick (checked his temperature). And Caleb said "Why you have sickness?" And Caleb says "Ohh...cookies!" said Caleb. This is really fun. I like it. My sister Courtney is typing this letter, umm...yeah. Typing with me, she is take a shower with computer on the shower, in the shower. And she is typing "I want." Know something, this is joke, don't listen this, ok? Dakota is have a puppy. She have 100 puppies. (laughs) My mom is lay down on the floor my sister's room. Courtney says "Geoffrey in take shower. Get your swimsuit on and Geoffrey can take shower with you Caleb." My sister is so weird. She is so so so weird. And she is going to go friend's house out me. Hmmpph. My sister is sleeping on the wall under the top of the roof. Momma is wake up and Daddy is kissing her. The end. Toodles.

By GiGi and Geoffrey too.

Carryover

2011-02-08T19:41:00.003-06:00

I did two things last year that I'm continuing this year. The first was a month with no ice cream. I'm doing it again. I started yesterday. It's a lot more spontaneous in one sense, but a lot more planned out. I've been thinking about it for a couple weeks now and kinda decided to do it again while talking to a coworker on Saturday. I said I would start Monday (yesterday). I forgot that "promise" until a half hour before I went to work yesterday. But then I built myself up for it and just did it. And they made one of my favorite kinds of ice cream. So now I have some just sitting in my freezer waiting for March 7 to come. I have a lot of will power though, don't worry.

Second, last year I posted my favorite Superbowl commercials. This year there weren't as many good ones, but I did have one favorite (watch his face before and after he hears the news):

Mes Pensées

2011-01-29T23:22:00.005-06:00

Two quotes and a picture:

"The ultimate goal of life is that God be displayed as glorious because of all that he is and all that he has made and done-especially the grace he has shown in the work of Christ. The way we glorify him is by knowing him truly, by treasuring him above all things, and by living in a way that shows he is our supreme treasure."

"The upshot is that the task of all Christian scholarship-not just biblical studies- is to study reality as a manifestation of God's glory, to speak and write about it with accuracy, and to savor the beauty of God in it, and to make it serve the good of man. It is an abdication of scholarship when Christians do academic work with little reference to God. If all the universe and everything in it exist by the design of an infinite, personal God, to make his manifold glory known and loved, then to treat any subject without reference to God's glory is not scholarship but insurrection.
In summary then, all branches of learning...exist ultimately for the purposes of knowing God, loving God, and loving man through Jesus Christ. And since loving man means ultimately helping him see and savor God in Christ forever, it is profoundly right to say all thinking, all learning, all education, and all research is for the sake of knowing God, loving God, and showing God."
-Both taken from "Think" by John Piper

My family, minus one, after we ran our 5K in October. :)

MIA

2011-01-25T23:29:00.002-06:00

Spring semester 2011 is in full swing. I've been in school for a week now and it's been absolutely crazy. I can't say I'll be on here much. I think what'll end up happening is that I'll have tons of ideas for blog posts and when I sit down to write them up as a study break, I'll decide to sleep or eat or do something "more" productive instead. But know that I haven't forgotten my faithful blog readers, whoever you might be.

What will I be busy with this semester? Stats (ick), Biology, French and Social Psyc. I like all of them. Except I kinda dread going to stats. It's going to be a lot of math, eventually. And I am so bad at math. But, I'm trusting God, just like with meteorology. And God has given me several math-oriented people in my family and lots of math-oriented friends. He'll get me through. Biology is going to be good once we stop talking about evolution, which we have been for the past week, practically. Today in lab it was all we talked about and as soon as we started, the atmosphere changed and seemed really oppressive to me. I could feel the spiritual battle going on, which is something I've never felt before.

It'll be a long, hard semester, but I think I'll enjoy it at the end. I have several good friends already and have been able to connect with good friends lots and despite the homework intensity, I'm trying to make a point to see friends more, even if it's to study with them.

So, that's your update for now folks. I bid you farewell for the moment.

PS. Don't ever go see Romeo and Juliet. I saw it for the first time as a play and was depressed all night long. I mean, I knew how the story goes before I saw it, but it's a total different thing to see it than to read it. I almost cried on the way home. So a word to the wise, avoid Romeo and Juliet at all costs. :)

This is going to be my little girl someday

2011-01-10T15:59:00.002-06:00

http://www.youmaker.com/

2010 in Pictures

2011-01-03T16:43:00.042-06:00

Following the theme from last year, I'm going to do a review of 2010 in pictures. It's so crazy though. It totally seems like just yesterday when I did it for 2009.

Pick-Up Lines

2010-12-31T11:38:00.001-06:00

Lately some of my brothers have been trying pick-up lines on me. So guys, if you need some ideas....

Caleb: "Your eyes are really...reflective."

Me: "Caleb move, you're blocking my heat source."
Geoffrey: "I am your heat source."

Then tonight we had a whole conversation on making love poetry.

Geoffrey: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I feel handsome when I look at you."
Dad: "Roses are red, violets are blue, my eyes pop when I look at you."
Geoffrey: "Your eyes shine as bright as the sun during an eclipse. You are as fast as a dolphin that's paralyzed. You are as smart as Einstein when he was a baby."

They did have some good ones though:

Dad: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I soar over mountains when I see you."
Caleb: "Roses are red, violets are blue, I am led to my knees when I look at you."

Memories

2010-12-29T12:04:00.003-06:00

A dear dear friend left for home a couple weeks ago and he won't be back, unless God calls him back here (which would be a happy thing!). Anyway...here you go....

"Memories"

I remember when I first saw you

Mingled with all the others.
I didn't know then you'd become like one of my brothers.
Summer, autumn, winter, spring, over and then
Suddenly you were gone.

You found great delight in snow.
Over and over it reminds me that you're not here.
Under the falling flakes, memories are all I hold.

We should celebrate half birthdays

2010-12-26T16:08:00.003-06:00

It's the day after Christmas. I've always liked this day. It's so relaxing. And today's a Sunday. Sundays are always relaxing. That makes today doubly relaxing. I took a nap today. Naps are definitely a blessing from God.

Anyway, I don't really know how I feel about this. It's cute and funny, but somehow it just feels wrong to be doing this. It's one thing to do it with Pride and Prejudice, but it's a total other thing to do it with the Bible. But, for your viewing pleasure, enjoy. Merry Christmas!

(and why yes, thanks for asking, it IS my half birthday. :P)

It's over, with a sigh of delight and sadness

2010-12-22T21:50:00.004-06:00

I had my last final yesterday. I'm done. Done with my first semester at the U. It's nothing new to be done with a college semester. I've finished many a college semester in my lifetime. But this semester was different. I'm so very happy to have a break, but at the same time, I wish it were still going. This is the first semester I've not wanted it to end. I made such great friends in all my classes. But only one of them was in my major. Only people from one of my classes might be in one of my classes next semester. I'll probably never see some of these great friends again. I'm going to miss my lab partners most. They were fantastic. As much as I hated lab and struggled through with our TA, that's the "class" I'm going to miss most.

And I don't want to start all over next semester. I'm going to have to go to classes where I don't know anyone and make friends that I'll have for one semester and then never see again. I get so emotionally attached to people...I hate even thinking about it. I hate having to go through this saying goodbye to people when they don't understand how sad it is for me. I hate goodbyes period. And these aren't ones that I know are "see you laters." Most of these people don't know Jesus and I won't see ever again.

But God is sovereign. And I learned some great lessons this fall. I learned that I'm a visual learner. I had absolutely no clue until my meteorology class. But it helped so much once I discovered this fact. It helped with meteorology. It helped explain why word pictures mean so much to me. It helped me study for meteorology better (and for all my other classes). I think it'll help me memorize Scripture more. Even though I struggled through meteorology, it helped me learn this fact about myself which will help me through life.

The biggest lesson I learned this semester is that sometimes (most of the time) people are more important than whatever you're doing. Whether it's family, friends, or strangers, sometimes you just have to put relationships with people first. I learned this most at work. There was a lady who came in after our deli had closed and she wanted a sandwich. Usually I tell people we can't do it, but I, for some reason, made this lady a sandwich. She was extremely thankful and said she had been having a hard week. I told her I was sorry and she went on to tell me all about this huge, horrible family situation. It put us 20 minutes behind in our closing schedule, but it was worth it to be able to minister to this lady. Sometimes talking to friends and advising them and praying for them is more important than going to bed early. Sometimes spending time with family is more important than homework. Sometimes, God wants us to give up our agenda so he can use us to minister to others.

And so ends my semester. I'm so thankful to be able to sleep and read and write and see friends instead of homework. But I am really sad that all these friendships are quite possibly over. But that's ok. God's in control. He knows what he's doing. He can see the big picture and I can't. So I rest in his sovereign plan.

Study Time

2010-11-29T23:06:00.002-06:00

Studying with Caleb is never dull. Quotes from tonight:

~Are you studying right now? (yes) How long have you been studying? (half an hour) Time for a study break!
-What does "honeymoon" mean? Who invented it?
~Garrett, Courtney, you guys are dorks...ok, just kidding.
-(dancing around the room like a ballerina) *singing* "Practice and practice, hours of practice..."
~I will not let this geometry proof get the best of me. I will get this proof...How did they do it in 5 steps? It took me 9!

It's been a good night. :)

An anti-social, hermit-like study machine

2010-11-21T18:17:00.003-06:00

I have 3 tests tomorrow. I've been studying all day long. My puppy's been keeping me company.

This is me all day long:

And this is Dakota all day long:

I guess she was intensely studying the art of sleeping. *shrug* :D

C'est la vie!

2010-11-17T16:04:00.004-06:00

It's been a while since I've given you an update on my life. Here you go!

-I have 4.5 weeks left of this semester. It's flown by so fast. Our first break is next week for Thanksgiving. People keep saying "man, I so need that break," but for me, I could keep doing this forever. Don't get me wrong, I'll be extremely thankful to have a break (and we get to spend Thanksgiving with the Olives! wahoo!), but if we didn't have it, I'd be ok with that. I'm so in love with school. It's been such a blast.
-I finally registered for next semester today and I'm super excited about next semester's classes too! Advanced French Composition and Grammar, Social Psychology, Intro to Psychological Data and Human Biology: Concepts and Current Issues. It's going to be fun!
-Life is crazy busy right now. I have 14 credits and two jobs and every day I wonder how I'm staying on top of things while still getting an ok amount of sleep. Only by God's grace. (and I don't have a social life AT ALL!)
-Monday I have tests in three of my classes and a rough draft due in the other one. This weekend's going to be a nightmare of work and studying. I told mom that even if all my friends were going to France, I wouldn't go. I'd stay home and study.
-I'm learning that I can plans, but God's going to change them. It's one of those things that you know, but sometimes you have to learn. I've made so many plans of varying lengths this semester and God's changed almost all of them. I'm left to cling to his faithfulness and I wouldn't want it any other way!
-I'm really excited for Christmas break when I'll be able to see people again. I realized that besides brief snippets at church, I don't see my friends that often. I don't even see my family that much. Sometimes I'll go several days and the only people I see are Garrett and Mom. It's absolutely crazy.
-Even though life is absolutely nuts, I wouldn't want it any other way. I LOVE my life right now with all it's craziness and stress. God is so good!
-I kinda enjoy dressing for winter. I don't really like the winter part of the equation, but I kinda really like putting on my winter stuff. It's definitely a hassle and I'd rather not have to deal with it, but it's kinda fun. And now I have boots. And they're cute. And really really really warm! :)

That's my life in a nutshell! I'm just living each day at a time, trusting God's faithfulness over and over again. It's definitely been an adventure, but it's been a blessing. I'm so thankful to be serving a God who doesn't just let me navigate this life alone, otherwise I'd fail over and over again. But, in his mercy, he keeps picking up the pieces and helping me run hard after him even in the midst of crazy business. And it's been a joy. :)

L'histoire de la princesse

2010-11-10T16:10:00.005-06:00

One of my good friends Joe and I both had a ton of homework last night and knew we needed to stay up super late. So we decided to write a story over text, each of us writing a couple lines and then sending it to the other to continue. We didn't talk about story plot at all before or during the story. Here's what we came up with. (by the way, this took place from about 10pm-12:30am, just fyi :D)

Once upon a time there was a princess who knew nothing of the horrors of the world because she had never been allowed to leave the castle grounds before. But one day everything changed. Her cousin came a-knockin' at 2am and said, "Hey, have you ever seen the falls on the east corner of the city?" The princess said, "That sounds absolutely lovely! I wish I could come, but I'm not allowed to leave the castle premises." Her cousin told her that it wasn't that far. Taking one hesitant look behind her, the princess followed her cousin to the falls in the city.

Their journey was lit by pale moonlight. The princess couldn't shake a nagging fear. She knew that her father would burn with rage if only he knew her whereabouts, but it didn't take long for the princess' fear to dissipate. Until a mysterious noise emerged from the looming trees. The princess screamed loudly at the sound. Her cousin comforted her and told her to be quiet or she would disrupt the falls. Wondering what in the world that could mean, the princess meekly continued following her cousin, trembling with fear.

Little did she know that her life was about to change forever. Several minutes passed and the mysterious sound came and went. Soon the princess beheld the most beautiful sight she had ever seen. The water cascading from the mountain was like a throng of children babbling sweetly. The princess forgot the mysterious noise. She suddenly felt as if she were being followed. A minute passed. Panicked, the princess whirled around and found a huge ogre staring her down, face-to-face. The princess screamed again and her cousin covered her mouth and whispered seethingly into her ear. "Keep quiet! You're going to disturb the falls!" "What in the world does that mean?" the princess shrieked. "That!" yelled her cousin pointing.

The next instant, the princess understood. Before her eyes, the falls took on an almost otherworldy persona. The princess had never seen anything like this, never been more scared. "So THIS is what it means to disturb the falls." Then a voice boomed like lightening, seemingly out of nowhere. "Who disturbs my peaceful rest? That person must pay!" The princess' cousin pushed the trembling girl forward. "You're the shrieking little whelp that disturbed me? Here's what you must do."

All of a sudden, the full realization of what had happened washed over the princess as the waterfall that loomed before her. The voice spoke. "I am Thyores, guardian of these woods. You have trespassed on my domain. All trespassers must make themselves my servant, keeper of the wood for two years. Or you may choose to be consumed in my waters."

The choice was a difficult one. The princess feared her father's wrath above all else and either decision would bring it upon her. But one clearly brought less upon her head and so she bravely stepped forth and declared that she would be swallowed up in the waters of the fall. Thyores spoke again. "There is one way to escape death. Someone who has never trespassed before can volunteer to take your wrath. But they must die."

The princess sighed in despair. Her only option was to face her punishment without turning back. As she stepped forward to accept the consequences of her actions, a voice arrested her. "I'll take her punishment!"

The princess stopped cold, barely breathing for an instant. She was overwhelmed to think of all that had happened to her in the past hour. Her father told her to stay in the castle confines. Her cousin lured her away. Now she found herself at the mercy of a powerful forest guardian. And someone she didn't even know was willing to DIE for her? Did this person know her past? Surely this was all a joke. No one would do something so foolish. With effort, the princess spoke. "Are you in earnest sir? Why would you do something like that for me, a stranger?" The young man replied in a calm quiet voice. "I offer because I love you. I have seen you from the window of my castle and I have fallen head over heels, madly in love with you. And I don't want any harm to come to you because I care for you so much. Will you accept the offer?"

The princess knew what she *wanted* to do. Everything in her screamed, "LET HIM DIE!" but she felt so unworthy. All the time, her cousin stood by as if he no longer knew her, no longer cared. But the princess couldn't worry about that. "Take it," she cried. What happened next was the most horrible and wonderful thing she'd ever seen.

Thyores thrust out his horrid arms and enfolded the prince into himself. The princes let out a cry of agony as the water plunged on top of him and then he was gone. The princess began to sob. She felt wonderful and horrible at the same time. Someone had just died the death she was supposed to die. But someone loved her enough to do that. This love was something new to the princess.

The princess' cousin stood by solemnly. The princess may have imagined it, but she sensed an almost disgust in her cousin's eye, almost like he wanted HER to be consumed. Wiping tears away from her eyes, the princess sat in the grass, too shocked to do anything. Her cousin spoke. "I've won!!!" he cried passionately. "I knew if I got you out of the palace walls, he'd come immediately and it all played out perfectly. He's dead and there's nothing to stop me from having you all to myself now." The princess gulped, realizing she had played into a trap.

The princess had gained (rather, was gaining) an understanding of evil. She thought the late night excursion would be fun. She thought she could trust her cousin. But now she realized that her foolish heart had been taken. And for a while, she enjoyed it. It was not a pleasant feeling to encounter evil. The princess wished she hadn't left her safe home. But then she realized if she hadn't, she wouldn't have discovered her prince. Taking one last look at the raging falls to see if she could catch one last glimpse of her prince, she reluctantly turned around and headed home, wishing she could see him one last time to thank him.

Then the princess heard an unbelievable sound. It was as if the earth were falling beneath her feet. She closed her eyes against the terror. When she looked again, the waterfall was gone. In its place, on dry land, stood the prince. "Don't be afraid," he said. "Death is swallowed up in my victory."

The princess could hardly believe her eyes! Could it really be her prince? In her amazement, she barely heard the wretched scream from her cousin as he shriveled up and disappeared. She ran to the prince and he took her in his arms and embraced her. "How is this possible?" she asked in amazement. "It's a sign that I have completely defeated Thyores and your cousin. They were completely evil and they wanted to destroy you. But I loved you so much, I couldn't let that happen." The princess was so enthralled by the prince that she felt at that moment she would do anything for him. He knelt down on one knee and asked her gently, "Will you be my bride?" The princess nodded her head vigorously and the prince took her to his home, which was more beautiful than anything the princess could ever have imagined. And they lived happily ever after.

THE END!

Little things aren't so little

2010-11-02T21:40:00.003-05:00

...for the first time. I thought it was going to feel really special. I thought filling in the little circles would make me feel powerful. It didn't. I felt no different after I left. There was no extra excitement, besides the thought of that my vote maybe just counted for something. Maybe if it was for president, I'd be more excited. But still, just knowing that I just voted is kinda special...just slightly.

What really makes me feel special and makes me feel loved is little children holding my hand. The feeling of a hand ten times smaller than yours resting right inside of yours is incredible. When they hold it clutch all the more tighter as they start to loose grip; the feeling when they reach for your hand as if it's the only reality in the world when they loose your hand altogether... that brings warmth to my heart and a smile to my face. Walking side-by-side, hand-in-hand with a child is one of the greatest blessings in life.

Mr. Hyde is no more!

2010-10-28T14:23:00.002-05:00

Have you ever had one of those dreams that completely rattles you when you wake up? I had one of those last night. I don't even really know why it was so unsettling. It was quite a pleasant dream while I was in it. We were at the beach talking...then I had to save three drowning girls. But my friends did strange things that they would never ever do in real life and I think that was the unnerving part. When my alarm went off, I laid there trying to figure out if it was real or not. While I was getting ready for school, I was still puzzled and set on edge by it. Same feelings all the way to the lightrail. But on the lightrail I do my devos and reading the Gospel in Psalms put everything aright.

In Brit Lit, my first class, we had read "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde." I love the story, but as a warm up exercise we had to write about what our Mr. Hyde would be like. This was also quite unnerving for me as I realized that my Mr. Hyde would be me without Christ: selfish, rebellious, prideful. By the end, I was quite depressed. But then I thought about the Gospel and this is what I wrote at the end of my Mr. Hyde description: "But Jesus has come and overcome the grave and I am FREE!!!!! From all these sins, I am FREE!!! HE is at work in my life, so I am NOT like that! Praise God!!!"

God is so good to not leave me in a sense of despair or confusion, but to use his Gospel to comfort me.

"Life is short. Stay awake for it"

2010-10-25T17:11:00.006-05:00

I don't like what Caribou serves, but I sure love the serving container! I love all their little "to-do" lists. Here's one from my cup yesterday...

~Love what you brew, brew what you love
~Make time for silly
~Eat when you're hungry; nap when you're tired
~MAKE TODAY SPECIAL!
~Laugh so hard you cry
~Be a hero, minus the dorky cape
~Become a bee keeper
~Smile first, ask questions later
~Follow your heart
~Dance to your own rhythm
~Take all your vacation days
~Continue more conversations offline
~Listen 1st; talk 2nd
~Learn to dance a jig
~Start right now
~Thank a teacher
~Enter a pie eating contest
~Do it for love, not profit
~Grow older without ever growin up
~Adopt an animal
~Compliment a stranger

My Building!

2010-10-23T18:50:00.006-05:00

What's the best part about the U? Well, let me tell you. The language department building. I know, I know. It sounds ridiculous. What about the classes? What about being in school? What about the people? What about being in Minneapolis? (what about the homework? :D) I'm dead serious. This building brings me the greatest joy of everything at the U. I didn't know a BUILDING could bring me this much joy. It's a building for crying out loud. But it does. This year, they're renovating the inside of it, so the language classes are scattered throughout campus in other buildings. I walked past Folwell Hall for the first time last week. It's GORGEOUS! It seriously looks like it was taken from 18th century Paris and plopped down in the middle of Minneapolis. Don't believe me? Take a look!

This only gives you a small glimpse at the majesty of this building. When I walked by it, my heart lept for joy in God. The sight of this building (where I get to be next year!) brought me great joy in God. I don't know how, I don't know why, but it did. I love it. Now I cannot wait for next year when I get to be there all the time! Wahoo!!

But while they're renovating it, the French department is housed in this dingy little hut where I had to go for a major declaration meeting. Seriously, a dingy little hut of a building. See for yourself!

And just so you don't have to be left with that horrible sight ingrained in your memory, here's some other pictures of Folwell. (Did you know that it is one of the most historic buildings on campus and is on the National Registrar of Historic Places? And that's where the French department is!)

*screams with delight*

My Biggest Dream

2010-10-21T11:52:00.003-05:00

There are 60,000 people at my school. Probably the majority of them are just going about living their lives, some just barely getting by in their classes, not knowing that they are headed for eternal destruction. They are oblivious of the best news in the world. Some of them know about it and they hate it with every bone in their bodies. Some of them would care less if they were told about it. A slight few might be receptive to this truth.

My heart aches for these fellow students who are lost and soaked in lies that the world tells them. But how to tell them? How do I get through to them? How do I make it clear? If I were to stand up and shout out the Gospel at the top of my lungs with all the excitement that's possible, I would be ridiculed, treated with contempt and ignored. I've seen it happen. Students don't care. They don't want to know.

But how could they pass up the only way to salvation? My heart breaks when I think of 60,000 people, some of whom I've gotten to love very dearly, spend eternity separated from God.

But I know that God is there and he is not silent. He is working, even know, in hearts. Maybe even in hearts of people sitting next to me. It's God who grows the seed and brings the heart to salvation. I can not make anyone trust him. Only he can do that. All I can do is live a life faithful to Christ and proclaim the Gospel when he gives me opportunities.

And I can pray. And I do. I pray almost every single day that there would be a revival among the University of Minnesota students. There's been stranger student revivals. Take the Haystack Revival, for instance. I mean come on, who thought of a huge revival starting by a haystack? So every day I pray that God would change hearts and lives on a grand scale level. I pray that every student would hear about God. I pray that the U would be known as a Christian campus. Maybe not a Christian school, but a campus where Christians are the majority. I pray that the U would be active in sharing the Gospel with the city of Minneapolis. I pray that the U would send out many students to go serve Christ in other areas of the world and proclaim the Gospel to the world.

That's my dream. It may seem impossible, but I serve a God with whom all things are possible.

"What's impossible with man is possible with God." -Matthew 19:26

It's a love that hurts

2010-10-04T12:22:00.009-05:00

This is an excerpt from my journal that I wrote a couple days ago. It's all written in hindsight, so most of this I didn't have words for at the time, but now I do.

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal...lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will be come unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell...We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it." -C.S. Lewis

When I first started INSIGHT, Joe asked our cohort for our first Bible study what we would pray for a group of people we loved dearly who we would probably never see again. The prayer he used was Philippians 1:9-11. Little did I know that soon, that group of people would be my insight class. Little did I know how deeply my heart could love. Little did I know how much my heart would break.

The brain is always looking after its own interests emotionally, and after insight, I subconsciously built a wall that no one could penetrate. I didn't want to get close to people over the summer, just to have them torn out of my life when I left for school. The wall didn't fall when I stayed a year because I knew I was leaving, just later. As I entered into a new group of college friends, I wondered why I wasn't connecting with them. I struggled and struggled and questioned God. Why are they so aloof? Why can't they be concerned about my life as they are with each other's lives? Why don't they ask me to hang out all the time? What did I have to do to get into this group?

The answer was simple. I had to drop the defenses and guards of my heart. As I probed into God's plan for all of this and questioned him, sometimes angrily, I realized it wasn't them. The problem was me. And God tore down my wall and threw every rock in the dust. Part of it was I didn't want to be hurt again. I didn't want to let people into my life only to have them torn out and my heart broken once more. Part of it was an idolatry issue. Insight had become the most important thing in my life, not God. God broke my dreams and goals and broke into my heart saying, "Look at me. I'm the one who gave it to you. Yes, your heart is broken, but having insight again cannot heal your broken heart. Only I can do that. But only if you let me." And that day, my heart was God's. All I had was his. Not that every day I do it perfectly, but with God's grace, I try.

But though my heart was mended, I still didn't want to get hurt. So I blocked the insight students out of my life. But by doing that, I denied myself one of the greatest ways I found and experienced joy in God. I would occasionally talk to one of them or post online or post on their facebook walls, but I rarely hung out with them (though a lot of the time it didn't work anyway). I threw myself into hanging out with my college friends at south site and tried not to think about it.

But it's impossible to live like that forever, blocking out one of the biggest events of your life. I survived a long time living like that. And though I had so much fun and loved these friends and have so many memories, something was missing. And my heart ached and I didn't know why.

And then slowly more and more of the students left and I couldn't bring myself to think too deeply about it. I didn't want to think about life without Emily, life without Amy. Even though I didn't see them that much, just knowing they were gone made me sad down to the deepest parts of my being. My soul hurt.

But God didn't leave me there. In his sovereignty, he brought me to church Saturday night once more and my heart leaped for joy. Being around them was different, but it was an ok different. It wouldn't be my first choice, but it was ok. I could live with it if it meant being around at least some of the people who bring me exceeding joy in God.

This past weekend, there were a bunch of us back in town. We had a mini reunion all weekend. Being around them brought tears to my eyes and I knew my heart would break, but it was worth it. This was an incredible blessing I didn't deserve that I wasn't going to deny myself again. And that as one of the most joy-filled weekends I've had in a long time. I don't know if I can even explain how delighted in God I was...and still am.

And here I am. Back at school. At a secular school where I have to seek out people who will encourage me in my faith. Where the "community" consists of football games and getting drunk on the weekends. Where I will never and never ever could make friends like insight. And my insight friends are not here with me, experiencing life with me, for better and worse. And it hurts. Minneapolis feels so empty. It's a feeling I can't explain, but Minneapolis literally feels more empty without everyone here.

And that's ok. God is still on his throne. he had a perfect reason for bringing us together, that's evident. And he had a perfect reason for calling us to all different parts of the world. I may never see some of them again here, but I know that I will see all of them again at home and we will worship God forever...together. And that brings me joy beyond words.

Observations from a College Student

2010-09-29T21:30:00.002-05:00

I've been in school for about a month now and here's what I've learned:

-I concentrate a lot better after walking (read: running) the long walk across the Washington Ave. bridge that connects West Bank and East Bank. After my first class, I run across the bridge, then run back across it for my next two classes which are in the same building. Sometimes I find it hard to concentrate during my last class, and even sometimes my first class, when I don't have that loong walk.
-I study a lot better when I'm around people. Whether it's on campus or studying with a group of friends or even sitting at my kitchen table with my family running to and fro, I can't be locked up in my room to efficiently study.
-Metro Transit is interesting. You never know what's going to happen. I've had everything from flat tires to guys harassing me at the light rail station to people giving me advice about putting my phone IN my backpack instead of in the side pocket to meeting students and connecting with them on the light rail. Usually it's fun. Sometimes it's really scary. But I wouldn't trade it for anything.
-Depending on your class schedule, you have 15 minutes to get to your next class. For some people, that's easy. It's in the same building, or the next building over. Others (i.e. me) have a long walk and have to almost run to get to class in time. This leaves the few minutes one might have before class to connect with people and make friends. I find that hard. I don't want to rush off after class is done. I want to leisurely walk with someone to their next class or to where our paths split and talk about their weekend or the rest of their day. This has been a challenge.
-Professors don't pray before class. After INSIGHT, I think I had a subconscious expectation that all professors were going to pray. Not so. My Brit Lit professor walked in the first day of class. "Good morning everyone." "Good morning." "Before we begin..." Here my mind was like, "Oh, he's going to pray." "...let's take roll." *sigh* So this is what real college is like....
-The best time to do my quiet time is on the light rail. I have a 30 minute ride on the train before I get on my 3 minute bus ride. Having to get up at six in the morning, I'm not too functional, especially if I didn't get to bed before 11 the night before. Needless to say, trying to read my Bible before I left was a pain and I wasn't getting anything out of it. Now I do it on the light rail and it works a whole lot better.
-God paints a beautiful picture every single morning for the world to see and most of the time we're sleeping through it. Since I'm getting up at six in the morning, I've been able to see the sunrise. And what a glorious thing it is, screaming out God's praise. God is so good!

Needless to say, the first month of school has been WONDERFUL! I'll report back after midterms. :D

A Tale in Which A Bus Gets a Flat Tire and Many Exciting Adventures Occur

2010-09-22T17:24:00.004-05:00

A third-year university student was leaving for home one a drizzly day. After getting on the bus, she struck up a conversation with the lady who occupied the seat next to her. After a few minutes of conversation, a loud "bang!" broke their speech, followed by "thump-thump, thump-thump." The bus had a flat tire. As the driver pulled to the side of the freeway, exclamations varied from disappointment to laughter. Some people were angry because they had places to be and the driver locked the bus, because she couldn't let them out of the bus because of policy. People in the back of the bus started swearing under their breaths. All of a sudden, a young African-American male at the back of the bus, two rows behind the university student, nonchalantly pulled out a cigarette and started smoking, which is in fact, illegal on a bus. People around him asked him politely to put out his cigarette and he ignored them all, so someone called the metro police who told this particular lady to inform the bus driver. The bus driver was preoccupied, so this was a hard job and never got done. In the meantime, people were getting antsy and wanted to get out and were still swearing and the lady next to the student was digging out her phone to call the metro police about the smoking guy. Another African-American dude came up to her, took a picture of her with his phone and yelled "Snitch!" and kept harassing her. Now, she was fuming mad and wanted to call to report him for harassment. While she was trying to find her phone, the African-American dudes wanted out and were yelling to the bus driver to let them out because somebody was coming to pick them up. She responded that a bus was on its way. This wasn't good enough for these swearing men and they made their way up to the front to make her let them out. Fortunately, the next bus came and everyone was let out. The university student was crowded along with the mass of people and was carried along to the next bus, which was already full, and crammed in. The bus driver had to refuse over half of the people on the first bus because there was literally no room on the second bus. Everyone on this bus from the first bus was recounting the story to the people on the second bus. Fortunately the next stop was the train station and the university student got off just in time for the train. But what awaited her on the train? Drunk baseball fans singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" over and over at the top of their lungs off key and out of tune.

True story. No joke. It happened to me today on my ride home. Oh the joys of using metro transit!

My Best Friend

2010-09-17T18:16:00.005-05:00

I don't write poems. I am not a poet. But every once in a long while, I get a sudden, very random urge to write down my thoughts...in poem form. Since writing poetry is extremely difficult for me, I struggle and struggle and fight and the result? A poem that no one will ever see. I wrote a poem yesterday. And this one needs to be shown. Why? You'll see when you read it.

Mon Meilleur Ami

Mon frère,
Mon ami,
Mon protecteur,
Je t'aimerais au fin.

I walk through doors I do not open
Because "It's not your job" you protest.
A sign that chivalry has not yet died
And it will not end until you have no breath.

Je me souviens beaucoup de memoirs:
Joué au foot, les conversations
Et bien que tu dises "jamais!"
Tu dances maintenant!

Always there to talk and listen
To fill my gaps of reason.
As steady as the rising sun
You'll with me weather every season.

Dieu est le plus important chose pour vous
C'est évident dans ta vie.
Devant la jour est commencé,
Tu lis ce qu'il a dit.

"He walked with God," they often say
Of you that saying speaks.
You know your Bible and your God
It's evident who you seek.

Pour communiquer comment je t'aime
Il n'y a pas de mots pour expliquer.
Les mots m'échouer
Dans le français et l'anglais.

Someone tell me, I do not understand
How this blessing could be mine.
God knew perfectly this plan of his
That only he could have designed.

God-sightings

2010-08-30T20:55:00.005-05:00

My prayer on my birthday was that at that time next year, I would love Jesus more. I prayed that I would see God this year.

I've seen a lot of God lately.

God-sighting #1: God brought in all the money for our trip. I never really doubted that it would come in, I just didn't really think it all would. And it did. God always provides for our needs.

God-sighting #2: One morning during worship in Asia, we sang Mighty to Save. After the song, the worship leader said "Think of a way that God is mighty to save in your life or your family's life." The first thing that popped into my mind was that he could give dad a job. The worship leader then proceeded to say, "Remember that. That was God talking to you. And he's telling you that he will save in that way whether it's days or years." After kind of blowing it off, I went about my day. Later, at lunch, mom pulled me aside and told me that she had just read an email from dad saying he got a job. God delights to give good gifts to his children.

God-sighting #3: Long story short: Matt and Jordie left their passports at the airport in Asia. We weren't sure if they were going to get them back since US passports sell for $5,000 on the black market. If they didn't get them back, that would have meant lots of time spent in Asia, trying to get a passport replacement somehow. We prayed before they left; we prayed with the team after they left; we prayed with some of the families while they were gone. They came back with passports in hand after spending five minutes locating them. God is always faithful.

God-sighting #4: Caleb was complaining about a fundraiser for cross country where they wanted each person to raise at least $100. He didn't want to ask people for money, especially since it was just cross country and not for something worthwhile. Dad suggested that we pray for it. So we did. The next day, I came home from work and he was bouncing up and down. "Guess what?" "What?" "I called Grandma (our really stingy Grandma who never gave us money unless Grandpa [who is now in a long term care facility] told her too) and she said she'd give me $100." God cares about the little things.

God-sighting #5: I constantly seek joy and happiness in other things besides God. I take his good gifts and turn them into gods. This is spiritual adultery. In a world where adultery is rampant and quickly followed by divorce, wouldn't it make sense for God to "divorce" me? What he does is quite the opposite: "And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord." ~Hosea 2:19-20. God is full of mercy and steadfast love to undeserving sinners.

Goodbye is not forever

2010-08-19T00:05:00.007-05:00

I hate goodbyes. There have been so many tear-filled goodbyes in my life. I had to say goodbye to Dominicans, I've said goodbye to INSIGHTers. More recently I've said goodbye to kids in SE Asia and now, I'm having to say goodbye to three of my best friends who are going to school. These are people I've grown up with. We've shared laughter and tears and hugs and debates and theological discussions and games and good times and bad times with each other. And now they're leaving.

Since the beginning of the year, I knew that this fall was going to be different. I knew that everything was going to chance this fall. I didn't know how it was going to change, or why I thought it was going to change, but I knew that this fall was going to be totally different than everything I've ever known. I don't completely see how it's changing, but I do see some and I don't like what I see. I didn't know it was going to be full of heartache and tears. I didn't know that seeing these three dear friends leave was going to be this hard. I can't talk about it or think about it without tearing up and almost breaking into tears.

But, I'm clinging to the words of one the hymns that is dearest to my heart.

"Be still my soul, though dearest friends depart and all is darkened in the veil of tears. Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart, who comes to soothe thy sorrows and they fears. Be still my soul, my Jesus can repay from his own fullness all he takes away."

My God is faithful to provide. My God is faithful through all the changes of life. My God delights to give good gifts to his children. He gave me some mighty good gifts by giving me Natalie, Lydia and Ryan. And now, he's taking them away for a season. But it's not forever. Even if I never saw them again in this life, I'd see all of them again in our eternal home. Goodbye is not forever. God is faithful.

God, You are Inexpressibly Awesome

2010-08-11T16:41:00.005-05:00

Southeast Asia was incredible. God was there and was working in lives and hearts. It's hard to believe that in such a short time, my heart got wound up in theirs, but I left a part of my heart over with each of the kids. I was working with Junior and Senior High, specifically with the Junior High girls. All seven of them were so beautiful and each of them, along with all the kids, will always be dear to my heart. I heard a sermon preached on this verse right after we got back and it rang true to me because this is how I feel about these kids: "So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the Gospel but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us." - 1 Thessalonians 1:8

These are the things God brought to mind while I was in Asia.

~When the midnight meets the morning, let me love you even more
~I want to live to prove that Christ is more precious than life
~I want to hasten to your throne
~You make me want to laugh and cry
~I want a God-glorifying passion that encompasses my whole life that I can live and die for
~Every moment of every day is a moment of breathing you in and breathing out your praise
~Worship starts with seeing You
~Let your rain flood my thirsty soul
~God delights to give good gifts to his children
~Loving Jesus is not normal for sinful people
~If God let me go for one millesecond, I would stop loving him
~Reading the Bible is the most exciting thing you could ever do
~God is the definition of light
~I want to etch God's promises on my heart
~When God takes something away, it's because he has something better planned
~Be violent to the things that keep you from God
~I want my life to create in the next generation a hunger and thirst for righteousness and a longing to be like their heavenly Father
~My joy is dependent on God's faithfulness

Each of these has a story and if I told all the stories of God's faithfulness, I could go on telling stories for a long time. God was inexpressibly awesome on this trip. It was a delight to be a part of what he's doing in the world in a little, small way.

And man, was it sure hard to leave. I haven't cried as hard as I did the night we left since insight ended. I love those kids to death. And we're on opposite sides of the world. But what I told them, and what I'm telling myself is that it's not goodbye forever. Even if we never see each other again on this earth, we'll see each other again when we're home. And we'll spend eternity praising Jesus. What could be better?

Life is Hard...

2010-07-12T23:56:00.004-05:00

...and God is good.

A friend reminded me of that today. "We will lift our eyes to him where steady arms of mercy meet to bring his children in...Our God is all in all." That's in the song I'm listening to right now ("Come People of the Risen King" by Keith and Kristin Getty). So true. So very very true.

My dad lost his job the other day. It seems so surreal. It doesn't even seem like it's actually happening most of the time. It just seems like it's all a dream. Like I'll wake up and life will all be normal. But then there's times it hits me and I wonder how we're going to do things like pay our bills or buy food or get the kids through college. I wonder if God actually means his promise "[I] will supply all your needs according to [my] riches in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19). I know that God is faithful and he WILL provide; it's just hard to see that when something like this happens. I have tears all bottled up in me waiting to come out, but I've been too busy to cry; to tired to cry. I WILL trust in my Jehovah Jireh, my provider, I WILL trust in him. If all the world crumbled, I'd still have him...and he is ALL I NEED!

"He charts the eagle's flight and plans the newborn baby's cry." I just heard that in a different song ("Creation Sings the Father's Song" -Keith and Kristin Getty). He plans the newborn baby's cry. If he planned each newborn baby's cry, he planned my dad loosing his job. And he can be trusted. And I will trust him.

Life is hard.

God is good.

I will cling to him because he will never fail.

19 and counting...

2010-07-05T22:24:00.007-05:00

I have been 19 for a week and 2 days :) I meant to write this sooner, but life got in the way. So here's my reflections on being 18.

18 is supposedly a huge milestone. I mean, you're an adult. You can talk on your cell phone while driving, get a tattoo and did you know what? You can rent a port-a-potty. I know. Pretty impressive, right? :) Anyhow, God did some pretty amazing things in my 18th year...

18 People, Things or Events that Changed My Life while I was 18 (in no particular order):

1. My best friend got engaged. Rachel's wedding is 348 days! I get to be in my very first wedding! Yay! I'm SO excited!!
2. I met Jordie Reason. I'm so very very thankful for her and the way she speaks truth into my life.
3. I decided to wait a year to go down to Union. Because of financial issues and my grandpa's health issues, I delayed my entrance to Union a year. And I loved every minute of it, even though I missed being in school. I got to connect with people more, which is what I loved. I had time to invest in my 1st graders on Wednesday night. I was able to take my relationships with my coworkers to a deeper level. God is good.
4. I met the college class. And we've morphed from being a college class and being all formal to be a family. We go deep with each other and are constantly asking how each other are doing. They challenge me in my faith day after day.
5. I started PCAing. PCA stands for Personal Care Assistant. Basically, a couple days a week, I go help a family who has a special needs child. I take care of him by helping him eat, taking him to the park, playing with him, taking him to the zoo, or doing whatever. It is one of the hardest jobs I've ever had, but definitely the most rewarding. His smile is totally worth all the stress.
6. I decided to go to the University of Minnesota for school in the fall. My ever changing life plan which I thought was steady changed again when I decided to go to the U for school. And I feel so much more at peace about this decision than I did about going down to Union, even though I was super excited to go. I'm excited for this fall.
7. I started a Bible study at church with my girls (Ruth, Kelly, Jordie, Sarai and Emily) "Lies Women Believe" and at the same time started reading the book. God has been using it to break lies that I have been believing that I didn't even know I was believing.
8. I've been able to speak about God with several of my coworkers. God has been gracious to give me boldness to speak truth into their lives. And it has given me great joy to see God working.
9. I went to Guatemala and met the love of my life. A little baby, don't worry. I miss him still, little Wilson. He was a beautiful baby and I can still barely remember how it felt to hold him in my arms as he slept. I want him to grow to be a man of God.
10. God showed himself to be faithful in my life. The roller coaster of life was definitely a roller coaster. There were many tears this year, but right along with them were many more beautiful memories of God's faithfulness that I will cherish forever. He was there through all my college deciding, and all my insight-missing, and all my conflict situations and all times when I had to surrender things I didn't want to give to God. Through it all, God was there and God was good.
11. Accountability group meetings. These girls (Elise, Elisa, Lydia, Bekah, Natalie, Christina, Bethany and Lydia) encourage me so much. They definitely spur me on to love and good works. We have such good times laughing and crying and having good conversations together.
12. I ran my first (and probably last) 5K. And I ran it in crocs. Official time: 30 minutes 32 seconds.
13. I fell in love with Bethany Olive. I met her before I turned 18 but I've really grown to love her so much and she's become such a good friend to me. We've laughed, we've cried, we've been through lots in this past year.
14. Ruth Paulson has been a big part of my life during this past year. I can tell her anything and she loves me still. She convicts me. She will confront me if I ever need confronting. She's the only one I'll go shopping with and even though we have totally opposite tastes in clothes, we still go shopping and we love it. She's a tremendous blessing from God in so many ways.
15. I learned to drive the stick shift. And I love it. Well, I don't as much love driving it as I love just being able to drive it. But it's a beautiful beautiful thing to be able to drive the stick.
16. Garrett and I became best friends. No joke. He grew up a lot and I've realized how much I love him. I am so blessed to have him as my (little) big brother.
17. A night at Applebees with Jordie, Ruth, Kelly, Emily, Mrs. Davitt and Mrs. Carbone. God used these beautiful women to convict me of lies I was believing and to instill in me a love for the Bible and for prayer that I've never had. They awoke me up from a dry spiritual time where I had no desire to read the Word. And it was all Jesus working through them.
18. This technically wasn't when I was 18, but my 19th birthday party was life changing and since it happened the day I stopped being 18, it still counts. For my birthday, the gang got together and did swing dancing and ate food and storm watched and then we shared testimonies. And we were vulnerable with each other. And because of that, we're a whole lot closer now than we were before that night. I love you all!

So, that's my 18th year in a nutshell. And since you know I can't not put pictures in a post, here are my top 5 (yes, I'm limiting it to 5. amazing, right?) pictures from my 18th year:

So that's that. I'm 19 and counting. My prayer for my 19th year is that I will love him more while I'm 19 than I did when I was 18. God was so faithful during my 18th year and I know that he will be continue to be so during my 19th year.

"Therefore, let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promises is faithful." -Hebrews 10:23

Glorify Your Name in Me!

2010-06-23T17:07:00.005-05:00

Today at work, I had one of those moments where God convicted me of something I needed to work on in my life in a startling way where it seemed so clear that I needed to work on it, but I just hadn't realized it.

I got stuck pureeing bananas for an hour and a half. Doesn't sound that bad? Well I hate bananas. With an undying passion. Like the smell makes me sick (though I think that's half psychological). Still doesn't sound that bad? These aren't just nice ripe bananas. They're the ones that have turned brown or half brown, like the ones you use for banana bread. Nasty with a capital N. So I was pureeing them and I was complaining to one of my coworkers how gross it was and how I didn't want to do it. One of the things I said, "Hopefully it won't be as bad as the other time when I was doing it a couple months ago. I complained to Jenna the entire time." Right then I stopped short and had a wake up call from God. Really? I complained to Jenna the whole time? What about this: "Do all things without grumbling or complaining" (Phil 2:14). While I was complaining, I was sinning against God because I was grumbling and complaining against his plan for my life at that particular moment in time. I was grumbling against God just as the Israelites grumbled against him in the wilderness. And I most certainly was not living out the example of Christ to my unbelieving coworkers. Philippians 2 continues to say: "so that you may be innocent and blameless children of God in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation among whom you shine as lights in the world" (vs. 15). I definitely wasn't doing that. And as I thought back on my interactions with my coworkers in the past couple of weeks, I realized I have been doing a lot of complaining. And that needs to stop.

So as I chopped up those mushy bananas and pureed them, I prayed that God would change my attitude. I asked him to help me to stop complaining, both inwardly and outwardly. And when I felt like I was going to throw up because it was so gross, I started singing worship songs in my head. It brought be back to what I prayed this morning: "O great God of highest heaven, occupy my lowly heart. Own it all and reign supreme, conquer every rebel power. Let no vice or sin remain that resists your holy war...Glorify your name through me." Little did I know God would start where I thought it most unlikely. God is good to us to answer our prayers in ways we would never dream.

South East Asia

2010-06-18T13:12:00.006-05:00

Dear friends and family,

Mom and I are going to Southeast Asia! We will be leaving July 22 and returning August 3, along with 7 other people from our church. We are going to be doing the children’s program at a spiritual life conference. It is through mom’s new organization that she is starting, Club 4th, which works with Third Culture Kids. We are both extremely excited to go and see what God has in store for us.

We’re writing this letter mainly to ask for prayer. Would you join with us in praying for the trip? Satan is against this trip and doesn’t want it to happen. He doesn’t want these little ones’ hearts to be opened to the Gospel and will be active in stopping that from happening. Would you pray with us that Satan would not have any strongholds anywhere during the trip? Would you also pray that God would be glorified in all that we do? Would you pray that we would leave loving Jesus more and that this trip would be a time of spiritual growth and going deeper with God? And being the worrier that I am, would you pray that all our luggage would get to Indonesia and back home right on time and that nothing would get lost or damaged? :)

But we also ask that you would join with us in prayer for finances. We need to raise $3200 to go on this trip. That seems like a huge number, but God owns the cattle on a thousand hills and he is faithful to provide. If God is leading you to support us, you can follow the steps below to give online, or send a check to Bethlehem (address below as well) with a note on it that has our name on it. Please don't write our name anywhere on the check.

Thanks so much! We love you all!
Corrie and Courtney

ONLINE GIVING:
1. Go to http://giving.hopeingod.org
2. Create a site account on the Giving page.
3. Log in and click the "Create Account" button and follow instructions.
4. On the Giving page, click the "Fund" and "Subfund" menus to select team and individual that you would like to support. *We are the Pacific Islands team in the "fund" menu
5. Fill out the support amount and schedule information.
6. Fill out payment and info. Make sure you fill out all items marked with a "*" as they are required to complete the form; and if paying by eCheck, type the word "AGREE" in the field at the bottom.
7. Press the Schedule New Contribution button at the lower right part of the form to complete your contribution.

BETHLEHEM'S ADDRESS:
Short-Term Ministry Mobilization
Bethlehem Baptist Church
720 13th Ave. S
Minneapolis, MN 55415

Thoughts on Living with a Special Needs Sister

2010-06-11T11:59:00.008-05:00

I have a sister who has special needs. Many people don't realize it; sometimes I even forget. She has arthogryposis which is the stiffening of one or more joints in her body. When we got her from China, she had club feet and club hands. She's had more surgeries than I can count on her feet and they're finally "normal." She has more range of motion than most kids with arthrogryposis do, so they haven't done anything with her hands because they're afraid that they'll mess it up. So basically, she doesn't have that much on the outside that sets her apart from others and she really functions and looks "normal."

But we recently found out that she has brain damage. We've been dealing with behaviors for a while that just didn't make sense as to why she would keep doing them, and now we know it's due to brain damage. Her executive function is damaged. Here's what that means:

"Executive function is a term psychologists use to describe the many tasks our brains perform that are necessary to think, act and solve problems. Executive function includes tasks that help us learn new information, remember and retrieve information we have learned in the past and use this information to solve problems of everyday life. Executive Function helps us to anticipate consequences and to choose the most appropriate behavior. We have seen a lack of these things in her life and now know that due to the exposure to drugs while in the womb, this may never develop fully and will cause issues for the rest of her life, unless the Lord intervenes in a miraculous way." (taken from my mom's blog. There's more about GiGi in this post)

In short, she can't control her impulses. She's like a toddler in a lot of ways. They see something they want, they take. They want to do something, they just do it. She has no concept of right or wrong. What does this mean for us in every day life? It means that we have to live with at 10 year old sister who still doesn't speak good English and is just starting to read. It means we have to deal with behavioral things that won't stop and figure out how to correct her behavior in a way that she understands.

That's the big picture. But what's it like as a sibling in the little bitty parts of life? Some days, it's great. I'm not home that much, or I might be home all day, but she's great and she's the best little sister ever and we get along beautifully. But there's other days where I'm frustrated to the max because she pushes all my buttons and I just want to leave. I've had to wash the same load of laundry three times because she kept putting dirty laundry into my laundry basket because she wanted to and she didn't understand it wasn't ok. I've come home to my memory box being open and not knowing if anything was gone. I've come home to find things missing and knowing that GiGi took them but she doesn't admit she took them also because she doesn't understand that stealing and then lying about it is wrong. I've had to deal with being the "translator" for my sister, as sometimes I'm the only one who understands what she's trying to say. Sometimes, nobody can figure it out. I've had to live with GiGi being the center of attention. This one doesn't bother me as much, but sometimes, being a selfish human that I am, I just want everyone to listen to me and to the story that I'm telling and not have to deal with my little sister. I've had her try to copy me in everything I do, down to liking the same foods and having the same friends. I just want to have something that's just mine, all mine, and then she comes and says it's her favorite too and it doesn't seem that special anymore. I've had to deal with always having to help my sister get a cup and pour the milk whenever she wants it. Or having to help her get lunch day in and day out because she can't get it herself.

There have been many frustrations, many tears, many days where I wished I had a sister who could do everything for herself and was "normal." But as I look back on it, I wouldn't change anything. I've learned so much from her. I've learned what it's like for families who have kids with special needs, even on a very tiny scale. The first thing that everyone alway says about her is that she is so cute. And it's true. She's pretty adorable. And she has a smile that lights up a room. She can make any of us laugh pretty much all the time, even if we're in a bad mood. And she's so loving. She's always ready to give us a hug when we're sad or give us a back massage any time of the day. She's also really loyal. I continually see her with her friends and pointing me out with pride saying, "That my sister." And I know she's so proud of having me as a sister.

Which makes me wonder if I really live up to being the person she sees me as. I'm not that loyal. Some days I wish she wasn't my sister or that she could go move away for a long time. I don't always want to give her a hug or even be around her. I don't want to help her most of the time. I don't want her to be around my friends because sometimes I feel like she's stealing them from me. I don't want her to do anything with me because I want to do something by myself, something that she's not involved in.

But God gave her to our family for a reason. And I'm constantly realizing that that reason in my life is sanctification. Someone told me that the hardest place to be a Christian is in your home. It's so true. And for me the hardest person to be a Christian to is GiGi. I constantly pray that God would help me be more servant-hearted and more loving towards her and that he would give me the strength to deal with her. And he is continually faithful to provide.

I was talking with a friend of mine the other day who has a sibling similar to GiGi. She said that sometimes we ask God to show us a way to serve in him and we think "oh, he'll send me to Africa to serve in an orphanage" or something else big. But God might call us to serve in little ways, like with our siblings. And sometimes it means serving in ways that no one else sees. And it's a choice. We have to choose in every little instance whether we're going to serve with a Christ-centered heart because we're serving Christ or whether we're going to do something for our sibling because we have to, but we'd rather be on the other side of the world. Which is most honoring to Christ and shows more love to our siblings?

All in all, I'm so thankful for GiGi and I want to be someone she can look up to. I'm glad God brought her into our family in his sovereignty. He has a plan that's much bigger than anything I could ever dream of. We could have adopted any other little girl in China, but we (through God's moving) chose GiGi. And she is perfect for our family. Likewise, God could have chosen any other person in the universe to be saved, and he chose me. Why? Because he wanted to. Not because of anything I did, but because he wanted to in his grace. Do I always act like a child of God? Not even close, but he still shows love to me and forgives me no matter what because I am covered by Jesus' blood. And that is the kind of love I want to show to my sister. All the time. No matter what. Period.

And here's a story to encourage you. It certainly encouraged me.

There was a mom who felt like she gave everything day in and day out and felt like no one ever knew how much she gave and how much she served. Some days, she just wanted to give up. One day, a friend gave her a book about cathedrals. As she was looking through it, she marveled at the many beautiful cathedrals. Then she got to one that was breathtaking. But the architect of this breathtaking cathedral was unknown. So many people had admired it, and no one knew who designed it.

May God bless you and give you strength as you pour into your own cathedral.

My 5K

2010-06-08T11:37:00.005-05:00

Those of you know me, even just a little, know that I HATE running. With a passion. Yes, both my mom and Caleb run long distances, and my dad goes out for a jog every once in a while and Geoffrey kind of leans toward it, but I definitely did not get that gene. Caleb and Mom ran the Minneapolis Marathon on Sunday. There was a 5K and it said on the website that you could either walk or run the 5K with or without your dog. Somehow I got convinced to walk the 5K with Dakota. I was pretty excited. I like walking. No big deal, right?

Well, I got to the race and I was overwhelmed by everyone all geared up to run. There's everyone else in their running gear and me in my capris and crocs. Needless to say, I got some weird looks. But really, I was only walking so I didn't need to wear tennis shoes right? When they made announcements, they kept saying "5K and 5K-9 runners" and I was like "There is no way I'm running this thing. You said I could walk it." But as it got closer, I thought that maybe I would just run at the beginning and then walk all the rest of the way. Once we lined up, I started talking to these ladies and they were all walking it and so I figured I might as well just walk. But when the race started, I gave into peer pressure and I started running. Once I started, I figured I might as well run the first mile. And then I might as well just run as far as I could. And then I got to the point where if I stopped, I would have collapsed and died. And I made it. We made it all 3.1 miles. I've never ran a day in my life. Time? 32 minutes, 38 seconds. I was pretty impressed.

The thing that kept me going during mile 2 (which was SOOO hard) was this lady around 2 or 2 1/2 who passed me and said "The fact that you're running this in crocs means you're doing a whole lot better than most of us here." That pushed me to keep going. Not so much Dakota. She was kind of lagging behind. But we did it and I didn't actually feel like I was going to die at the end. I hurt really bad the next day, but hey, at least I didn't die, right?

All in all, I'm not really quite sure how I ran this race. I mean, the farthest I've ever run is 1/8 of a mile and then I go out and run 3.1 miles? I think it was all adrenaline. I'm pretty proud of my medal now, more so than I would have been if I had just walked. It means a whole lot.

Would I do it again? Don't get your hopes up. :)

Ma Famille :)

2010-05-31T22:09:00.006-05:00

I love my family and here's why:

The World

2010-05-28T13:17:00.007-05:00

A couple days ago some friends and I went to the beach to play volleyball. I haven't been to a beach in at least 2 or 3 summers. I had forgotten how worldly a place the beach is. And I had forgotten how worldly the world is. People were smoking and swearing and probably drinking and, as a friend said, "women are prostituting their bodies." And it's so true. I had forgotten how blatant sin is. It disturbed me. I was shocked and appalled at how immodestly women were dressing and what people were saying and how people were acting.

And that was a good thing. If I hadn't been shocked and appalled at sin, I should be worried. I don't ever want to get to the point where sin doesn't in some way shock me because that would mean that I'm getting used to sin and I don't want that to happen. I want my conscience to be pricked every time I see sin. I don't ever want to get comfortable with sin. Ever.

The one encouraging thing from that night was when one of my lovely friends made fun of my epic story that I was telling and so I started spraying him with my water bottle. He then took the cooler which was full of melted ice (i.e. water) and dumped it on me. This girl who was walking by yelled over at him, "Hey dude, don't do that to a girl. You can do that to the dudes, but not girls." Patrick yelled back, "But she started it." The girl: "But that doesn't mean you do it back. You need to treat girls better than that."

So there still are seeds of truth planted throughout the worldliness of the world. And that is encouraging. But yet the world is still a scary place. I'm so thankful that we are not alone in this sinful place that we are staying in for this temporary time.

A Guest Post by Giovanna Ayers. Entitled: About Courtney

2010-05-18T15:42:00.002-05:00

(This is exactly what she said. I'm not editing a single thing. Oh boy. This could get interesting. Here we go)

Courtney so weird. And she tickles me. Courtney so weird. She not stop tickle me. But she writes to Courtney's friends on facebook about me. And she writes Seth about me. She writes funny. Seth writes back to Courtney and Courtney writes back and Seth writes again. And stop. And Seth writes something "your sister is funny and you are funny too." Courtney laugh really hard. Courtney really laugh hard. And Courtney wipes her mouth on her shirt. Well, she is so annoying times. When I ask her to play games or something. "You are so annoying sometimes Courtney." Courtney said you are annoying too. (?) Courtney is sleeping on the outside window and the side of window and she is sleeping about dreaming moose.

(now there's a pause as she discusses who I'm going to marry)

Courtney is on the computer long long time. Courtney never get off the computer and die. She is working outside and this day May 18, it is nice outside. All family work outside together. She work inside and outside. She work, take break, eat, drink, work, at 5:00 is done. Then sleep. Then wake up and go to work at Ring Mountain. She work open-5:30. Then come home. And work home. My room is messy and Courtney help me clean up my room. "Courtney I found this, what is this?" "I don't know." "I found this in my room, I keep this, Courtney Ayers." "But GiGi, I keep it." "Ok, fine." And Courtney fall asleep and wake and get pillow pets.

The end.

GiGi Ayers
(typed by Courtney Ayers)

You make me smile

2010-05-12T22:07:00.003-05:00

There are some things that make my heart soar with joy and bring me pleasure like nothing else can and these are those things:

~Cheeseburger chowder
~Mint cookies n' cream ice cream
~Babies
~Little children
~A hot cup of apple cider
~My friends
~Worship Music
~Hugs
~Jesus

Satisfy my weary soul O God!

2010-05-06T23:14:00.005-05:00

"For I will satisfy the weary soul, and the languishing soul I will replenish." ~Jeremiah 31:25

I read this verse in my devotions this morning and was so encouraged. My soul is weary...very weary. It's weary in many different ways, but one of the main ones that came to mind was kid's connection. It was a long hard year this year working in the Kindergarten/1st grade class at church. Part of the reason was because of I was teaching and I had more prep work to do. Part of it was the kids were a lot more rowdy (I say that every year though :P). And mainly, it was just a long year in terms of other things and I felt like I didn't have any time to prepare towards the end of the year. I walked into class last night, the last night of connection, so glad that I wasn't teaching and so glad that it was the last night. I was really sad that it was all over, but I was extremely happy and ready to be done. I knew that when the fall comes, I would be ready again to teach and to have a small group, but for now, I was done.

My kids came in and two little girls came me cards with pictures. I felt the tears start to build in my eyes. Then, during the worship time, the kids sung the loudest they've ever sung and they meant it. They even started singing before the song started. It was so precious to hear their voices one last time. The tears started falling then. And I knew that I could keep going even if I was worn out and exhausted. To hear this, it was all worth it. It was worth all the late nights, all the stress, all the prep, all the worrying, all the times I felt like I failed, it was worth it all. Through this, God was replenishing my languishing soul. I now know I could keep going. We can never outserve God. He will always give us the strength we need to keep serving him. I love my God.

And now I'm clinging to him to replenish my languishing soul in other areas too. Run to Jesus, you who are weary. His burden is light and he is ready to satisfy your weary soul and replenish your languishing soul.

Since we're on the topic...

2010-04-29T21:15:00.005-05:00

Thinking and writing about the Festival of Nations brought back many memories. One of which was performing for many years, first of all doing Czech and Slovak dancing and then my last year doing Irish dancing. Everyone loves the Irish dancers and I'm sure you guys are no different. So for your entertainment...

Sorry you miss the big finale. You have my mother's camera to thank for that. :)

Crowds

2010-04-29T17:19:00.002-05:00

I don't like big crowds of people.

I don't like big crowds full of middle and high schoolers.

I don't like big crowds full of middle and high schoolers running around screaming and not paying attention to where they're going.

I don't like going places with big crowds of immature middle and high schoolers that leaves me drained at the end of it.

I don't like big crowds of young immature people who are supposed to be learning something but don't care at all.

But I love the Festival of Nations and so it was all worth it. :)

Minnesota here I stay!

2010-04-16T22:08:00.004-05:00

This is going to come as a complete surprise to nearly everyone. Yes, it's for real. I'm staying here in the fall and I'm going to the U. It's still kind of surprising to me too. About a month and a half ago, I was driving with some friends and everything in me said "I don't want to go to Union. I want to stay here and go to the U." I've never wanted to go to the U because it's so huge and I just didn't want to go. So, I figured this was just a passing fancy and I waited a little bit for it to go away. It didn't. A week later, I talked to my parents, made a list of pros and cons, realized that the pros to staying outweighed the cons and so I looked into the U more. Realizing how much cheaper it is compared to Union basically sealed the deal. A couple days later, I visited a friend who goes to the U and we walked around campus and I fell in love. I applied a couple days after that and then it was a waiting game to see if I'd get accepted. The hardest part is that I had to get some deposits into Union that were only refundable until May 1st. The U said they wouldn't get back to me for eight weeks, which would have been the middle of May. I was torn and just started praying that God would move things faster and I would get the decision sooner than that. Monday, I got my acceptance letter. I couldn't be happier.

Therefore, in the fall, I'll be at the U, still majoring in French and minoring in psychology and I am really excited. I didn't tell many people until I got my acceptance letter because I really wasn't sure (though I was leaning heavily towards the U) and I didn't want to make it really dramatic and such. God is working for sure and he has a totally different path for my life than I could have ever imagined. And I couldn't be more content than to follow his path and trust him in each step.

So, those of you in Minnesota, you'll be seeing an awful lot more of me. I hope you don't mind. :P

Rain

2010-04-14T23:13:00.002-05:00

"Yet he has not left himself without testimony: He has shown his kindness by giving you rain from heaven and crops in their seasons; He provides you with plenty of food and fills your hearts with joy." -Acts 14:17

It rained today. And we had a thunderstorm the other night. I love laying in bed listening to the thunder. But I've never thought while I laid there about how good God is in sending us rain. I've never thought about how gracious he is in listening to the thunder. I've never seen the lightening as a way that he takes care of us and provides for our needs. Rain is a continual reminder that God is providing for his people. And not just his people, but for the world. What a great God we serve.

Is this justice? No, it's grace.

2010-04-03T14:10:00.003-05:00

Please watch this video. It is totally worth all 7 minutes of your time.

It's a Monday!

2010-03-30T10:53:00.003-05:00

This was my Monday yesterday. Just proving that Mondays should be wiped off the existence of the planet.

~I'm not that much of a butterfutter fan (referring to butterfingers)

Discussing head injuries and comas:
~If you had a drug induced trauma, it probably wouldn't be that good.
~We could give you a head induced coma so you could find out.

And just to show it's not just me:

~Wouldn't that be great to be in a drug induced coma? You just take a drug and then when you wake up, time had passed and everything was perfect. -Garrett

Jesus died for my soul to be satisfied in him

2010-03-25T15:59:00.006-05:00

It's a beautiful day outside, but inside, my soul is weighed down. Why?

-I miss France..a lot. A friend of mine was just in Paris and when I found out she was going to Paris, I cried myself to sleep thinking about what I was going to tell her. I don't know why I miss it so much. I don't know why I love it so much. I was there for 2 weeks and only in Paris for a week and I still feel like I belong there. For some reason, I just want to be there, more than I've ever wanted to be anywhere.
-I miss basketball. I'll see the guys at church or I'll look at pictures and I really really really miss it. I miss watching it, I miss loosing my voice because I'm cheering too loud, I miss hanging out with everyone. I just plain miss it.
- I miss INSIGHT. Still. I know, I'm a broken record. But I do. Amy, Julie and Karissa were in town last week and they came and surprised me with everyone else at work. It was the best surprise of my whole entire life. But I miss being with everyone and just hanging out.
-Healthcare. I don't care about all the debating that's going on. I just care about the millions more babies who won't get to live. And that's been heavy on my heart.
-My sin. Last night in Kindergarten/1st grade, I taught the lesson on sin. The entire week, my heart was heavy because I was feeling inadequate to teach the lesson because I am such a sinner. And then my heart was heavy because I really wanted them to understand it and actually get it and understand how sinful they were and how much they need a Savior.
-I'm longing for home. I so want to be with Jesus. That sounds morbid. It's not. I want to see God face to face. I want to go home.

But, I have so many reasons to be thankful. And I'm going to preach to myself. And you get to listen in.

~The sunshine. Seriously. I'm so excited that it's getting warmer outside. I can feel summer coming, even though it's still so far away.
~Heaven. Seriously, I'm so excited. The other night when I was really missing insight the next thought that came to my mind was that I get to spend eternity with them in heaven worshiping God forever. All the time we spent together here was amazing, but we get to worship God together forever. That is awesome.
~My college class friends. This year, we started a college class at the south campus. I didn't know how it would go and it took me a while to connect with the others in the class. But now that we've spent a whole half a year together and hung out a ton, I love them. I don't know what I'd do without them. And I love how spontaneous they are. I need spontaneity in my life. I'm convinced that truly spontaneous people are a minority in this society. All my other groups of friends are very plan it out people and I'm not. I can be a plan it out type of person, but I need spontaneity because that's my first instinct. I'll look forward to a nice quiet night at home and then I'll get home and someone will call me and be like "we're hanging out tonight. wanna come?" yes! All that to say, I love my college group. They're the best.
~Ice cream. It makes any day better. Good thing I'm around it all the time. :)
~Bethany. Every time I see her, it makes any day better. Whether I'm already happy or in the most depressed mood I've ever been in or ever will be in, she always makes me happy. She is beautiful!
~Mopping the back floor at work. Going to work and knowing I get to mop the back floor is a blessing. I know, call me strange, but it's my favorite thing to do at work.
~Little kids. They are one of God's most beautiful creations. I love my small group at church. They're crazy and wild but they are little treasures.
~Little Austin Currie. Last night, I realized how much I love having him in my small group. He continued to turn our conversation back to Jesus and the lesson when other kids started getting sidetracked. He is a blessing.

I'm feeling better now. Jesus is so amazing. I have so much to be thankful for. Enjoy this excerpt that I thought I'd share with you from "50 Reasons why Jesus Came and Died" by John Piper. This makes my soul extremely happy.

"When all is said and done, God is the gospel...It all ends in one thing: God himself. All the worlds of the gospel lead to him, or they are not the gospel. For example, salvation is not good news if it only saves from hell and not for God. Forgiveness is not good news if it only gives relief from guilt and doesn't open the way to God. Justification is not good news if it only makes us legally acceptable to God but doesn't bring us fellowship with God. Redemption is not good news if it only liberates us from bondage but doesn't bring us to God. Adoption is not good news if it only puts us in the Father's family but not in his arms...Why is this the essence of the good news? Because we were made to experience full and lasting happiness form seeing and savoring the glory of God. If our best joy comes from something less, we are idolaters and God is dishonored. He created us in such a way that his glory is displayed through our joy in it. The gospel of Christ is the good news that at the cost of his Son's life, God has done everything necessary to enthrall us with what will make us eternally and ever-increasingly happy, namely himself... [God] sen Christ to bring us to the deepest, longest joy a human can have. hear then the invitation: Turn from the 'fleeting pleasures of sin' (Hebrews 11:25) and come to 'pleasures forevermore.' Come to Christ."

All in all, this post has nothing to do with the title. But that's the thought that was running through my head as I started this post. And it's something that I've been meditating on. And all these blessings I mentioned are mine because Jesus died. Jesus is beautiful!

Conversations with a Four-year-old

2010-03-16T17:38:00.004-05:00

I was working in the nursery this morning. These are the conversations I had:

While playing with the dollhouse..
Tyndie (referring to a little horse thing): This is their only car. The babies don't even fit on there too. See?
Me: What if they all have to go somewhere?
Tyndie: They take turns.
Me: How do they get the car back and forth then? Like, if they have to go from their house to church if this guy goes from his house to church, how do they get the car back to the house?
Tyndie: They push it.

During the lesson...
Mrs. Hard: What did Peter do for a living? How did he make money?
Jesse: He obeyed Jesus.

Tyndie: I have to go potty.
Me: Can you go by yourself or do you need help?
Tyndie: I don't know how to go potty.

I love little kids.

I love basketball

2010-03-13T14:19:00.014-06:00

I love basketball. I love the South Metro Huskies. I mean, just look at them. They're so great.

I never enjoyed watching basketball until this year. I went to two of Garrett's game in his first two years of playing basketball and it was only because Mom made me I think. Mom made me go to one game this year and after that I was at every game I could go to. Why the change? I think mainly because I knew everyone on the team, or at least knew who they were. That and their games were pretty intense too:

The shot that won us the last game of the season by one point with 9 seconds left in the game!

Yeah, these guys are pretty amazing. I so enjoyed watching the games and cheering and loosing my voice multiple times. I think the thing I enjoyed watching the most was the team interaction, both between teammates, between coaches and between other teams.

These last two pictures are after they won the last game of the season. WAHOO!

So yeah, it was a good season all in all. The last four games of the year were in Omaha at a tournament. There were so many good memories...getting stuck in an elevator with 18 people, Abbi and I attempting to do math (because 8+3=12, right?), my grandpa trying to hook me and Matt up, Alex shooting the shot in the last 9 seconds of the game to win it for us, playing Mofia and Egyptian Ratslap and I doubt it and so many other great memories. Man, I'm so sad this year's over. I felt like we were just starting to become like a family and now it's all done. I cried myself to sleep last night after the basketball banquet. :(

Part of the reason why it's so sad is because seven of our ten varsity guys are graduating:

So even though there's next year, it won't be the same. So Luke, Matt, Jonah, Taylor, Alex, Michael and Caleb...we'll miss you next year! Come back and visit us lots!

All in all, it was a great year and though I'm sure my voice is glad basketball is over, I most certainly am not.

Broken Treasures

2010-03-02T23:57:00.003-06:00

I was babysitting yesterday and little Hannah was holding her little brother Noah. She was spinning him around and I saw him grab her necklace that she was wearing in an effort to try to hold on. As she went to put him down, I saw the inevitable happening. He was still holding onto the necklace and it could stretch so far. The necklace broke and little beads went everywhere. Fortunately, we were able to find most of them and repair the necklace as best we could and when we were done, it looked brand new.

It's a situation I know far too well. The picture is of my first absolute favorite necklace that I wore all the time. I well remember the day when it broke. I think I was maybe 10 or 12 when I was sitting one of those big balls that you use for aerobic exercises or something and I think one of my brothers was pushing me and my chin got caught in my necklace and I went tumbling and my head came up and there went my necklace. I was devastated. I didn't think the world could ever be right again. Mom told me we could get a new chain for it, but I didn't want to because it wouldn't be the same. It took me a couple days to get over it; well, it took me a while to get over it. And to this day, I haven't gotten it fixed and I've kept it in my memory box to remind me that God is our greatest treasure and only he will last.

I've had many favorite necklaces that I've worn all the time (including one from France!). They've all broken. And I've never gotten one of them fixed to continue to remind me that God is the only treasure that will last.

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." ~Matthew 6:19-21

50 Things

2010-02-18T23:16:00.002-06:00

One of my friends did this on facebook and she wanted me to do it too. Here's 50 things you may or may not want to know about me:

1. I love Jesus
2. Words cannot describe how much I can't wait to be a wife
3. I love ice cream so much
4. Little kids can cheer me up whenever I'm having a bad day
5. I want to have a lot of kids
6. I want to adopt
7. I want to climb a mountain before I die
8. I love France!
9. I would be around people 24/7 if that was possible
10. I hate coffee
11. Chocolate always makes me feel better
12. When I'm really sad, I listen to Sovereign Grace Music (usually Come Weary Saints)
13. I miss my classmates from last year SO MUCH!
14. I'm majoring in French and minoring in psychology
15. I wish North Central had a French major
16. I want to pray more
17. I write books, but very sporadically
18. I love swing dancing
19. One of the times when I connect with God most is during worship-in-song times at church
20. I love C.S. Lewis and my goal is to read and own everything he's ever written
21. My favorite books of the Bible are Philippians, Psalms and Isaiah
22. I love watching figure skating
23. I love watching my brother's basketball
24. I'm not really good at any one sport, but am decent at several
25. I horseback ride (though not so much anymore)
26. I speak French
27. My kids will be bilingual in French and English
28. I have a notebook full of things I want to do before I die
29. I hate running
30. Sunsets are pretty much my favorite time of day
31. I hate snow and cold and winter
32. I still sleep with a stuffed moose
33. My favorite ice cream flavor is mint cookies n' cream
34. Bananas totally and completely gross me out
35. I love my job
36. I haven't eaten ice cream in almost a month (one more week to go!)
37. I did Irish dancing for about 2 1/2 years in some way shape or form
38. My brother and I share the same birthday 2 years apart and the next two brothers share the same birthday 4 years apart
39. I wish I was a twin
40. I want twins
41. My favorite book is "The Four Loves" by C.S. Lewis
42. I really love Bethlehem Baptist Church
43. I want to live in another country (not counting France because I plan on living there) for at least a month
44. I enjoy dog sitting for people
45. I like it when people comment on my blog
46. I journal all the time
47. I have a notebook full of good quotes by people
48. I like taking pictures
49. I love my dog SO MUCH
50. The Eiffel Tower is one of the most romantic places ever

What did you just say? I'm sorry, I was daydreaming...

2010-02-12T13:00:00.006-06:00

Yes, I daydream all the time. I always have. I am unlike other extroverts in that I don't get bored when I'm alone. Since I have such a vivid imagination, when I'm alone I just start daydreaming. I remember when I was little, I would retreat to my room to act out my fantasies. This section from Anne of Ingleside describes me to a T.

"The Ingleside children played together and walked together and had all kinds of adventures together; and each of them, in addition to this, had his or her own inner life of dream and fancy. Especially Nan, who from the very first had fashioned secret drama for herself out of everything she heard or saw or read and sojourned in realms of wonder and romance quite unsuspected in her household circle...For weeks she might be a king's daughter imprisoned in a lonely castle by the sea...for months she was a nurse in a leper colony in India or some land "far, far away."...As she grew older she built up her drama about real people she saw in her little life...The quiet respectable occupants of the various family pews would have been amazed and perhaps a little horrified if they knew the romances the demure brown-eyed maiden in the Ingleside pew was concocting about them...It was all very amusing and interesting and Nan never lost her way between fact and fiction..."

As I've gotten older, the acting has for the most part stopped, but I still daydream and fantasize galore. Last year during school I struggled with having such a vivid imagination and about daydreaming all the time. I thought it was something that everyone does when they're little and grow out of when they get to a certain point in life. I was a freshman in college and I was still fantasizing up a storm and concocting wild stories about life in my mind. I tried to stop. I tried so hard. But it didn't work. I couldn't stop. I can't stop. It's just who I am. It's the way God made me. I didn't realize this at the time and I fought against this bent for a long while until I finally resigned to the fact that I'd just have to live with it. It was until just recently that I was reading Garrett's psych book that I read there's lots of people who fantasize and daydream up to almost half of their lives. For the first time I realized that I'm not abnormal (well, I guess I am since us daydreamers are a minority); there's other people who are just like me with their vivid imaginations. I was so relieved. Since then, my mind has been going crazy with stories and fantasies of all kinds.

Now, besides thinking I'm absolutely and utterly crazy, you may be thinking back to the last time you saw me and wondering if I was making up some crazy story involving you. No, I probably wasn't. I usually don't day dream when I'm interacting with people and I can only think of a couple times when I've gotten fact and fantasy mixed up. It mainly happens during the mundane parts of life. I think I day dream the most when I'm at work and when I'm cleaning my room at night. Not so much during the rest of the day (though most of my days are spent at work so I guess I'm day dreaming a lot). What do I fantasize about? That's for only me, myself and I to know about.

So, now you know my deep dark personal secret.

PS. The psych book also said that college students who fantasize are no less psychologically healthy than normal college students, in case you were wondering. :P

God is so good, therefore I have the best friends

2010-02-09T13:35:00.005-06:00

Superbowl oh Superbowl

2010-02-07T21:46:00.003-06:00

I don't really get into football at all really. But I dutifully watch the superbowl every year and randomly choose a team to root for. I think I have unsuccessfully rooted for the loosing team every year (meaning: I pick the wrong team). Oh well.

One of the highlights that is quickly ceasing to be a highlight is the commercials. They used to be funny and great, but they've gotten worse. But there's usually a couple good ones, like this one, for example. The best commercial of the whole superbowl this year.

This one was pretty close behind it.

And that was pretty much the two good commercials of the game this year. :)

Books

2010-01-28T11:12:00.006-06:00

Those of you who know me, even just a little, know that I love to read. When I was younger, I read every moment of every day that I had to spare. Now, I don't have quite as much time to read, but I still read every moment I get. A few friends were asking for book recommendations a couple nights ago and II thought I'd share some of my all-time favorite books with you, as well as some I would highly recommend and then my reading list for this semester.

All-Time Favorite Books:
(highly highly recommended. if you read nothing else on this list, read these)

^The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis. This is my all-time favorite book. In it, he categorizes love into four groups and talks about which is the love God has for us.It is one of the most eye opening books on a lot of different topics including friendship, romantic love, charity, why there are cliques and why there is segregation between the sexes. I love this book so much!
^Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte. The story is great, the characters are amazing, there's mystery, action and romance, the ending isn't all too predictable...what could be better? This book has so many great quotes towards the end and is such a great story all around.
^Persuasion by Jane Austen. It's the last book Austen wrote and definitely the best. It's the least predictable, has the best characters and is definitely the most romantic. If you're going to read Austen, read this one.
^God is the Gospel by John Piper. I think this book was the most eye opening, life changing convicting book I have ever read besides the Bible. Piper shows how the Gospel is the best news in all the world and how the best part of it is that we get God. Incredible.

Highly Recommended Books:

>This Momentary Marriage by John Piper. I love this book. Even if you aren't married, read it. I read it when I was struggling with being single and waiting for God's timing. It made me appreciate marriage and singleness even more. Most of it was stuff that I've heard before, but it was said in a way that was different and powerful. I think it should be required reading for EVERYONE!
>The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis. This book is a set of letters from a demon to a demon in training so to speak. In it, Lewis goes through and reveals ways that Satan works to destroy our faith from his studying in the Bible. It is very eye opening and helpful in that way.
>Good to Great in God's Eyes by Chip Ingram. I know, it sounds kinda weird. I was pretty leary of it when I first started it. But it is an amazing amazing book. It lists and expounds ten ways to go deeper in your faith. It's one of those books that you read once to see where he's going and start making changes, but then you read it again slowly, meditating on it and making big changes in your life.
>Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss. This is a book for girls of any age. When I read this book, I was astounded at how much I got out of it and how it spoke to my life. The struggles she faced and her feelings and emotions were exactly the same as mine. It showed how she dealt with them in a God-honoring way and challenged me greatly.
>The Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. Moving on to fiction... this book has a highly intricate plot line, the characters are versatile and real and jump off the page at you. It take place in the French Revolution (my favorite time period) and Dickens is an outstanding writer so it's an amazing book. Dickens can be wordy and hard to understand at times, but press through it and the books is wonderful.
>Anything by Austen. If you just need a easy, feel-good read, pick up any of the Austen books. They're nice easy reads and just make you feel good because they all have happy endings. They're like the book version of a chick flick if that helps at all.
>Les Miserables by Victor Hugo. This book has everything a good story needs: romance, action, light-hearted moments, sad moments. It is such a good book. No wonder it's a movie and a Broadway musical. And it takes place in France, what could be better?
>Anything by Agatha Christie. If you like murder mysteries, she would be right up your alley. I would especially recommend Murder on The Orient Express and And Then There were None.

Book List for The Semester:

+A Sweet and Bitter Providence by John Piper
+Humility by C.J. Mahaney
+Trusting God by Jerry Bridges
+Radical Womanhood by Carolyn McCulley
+Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris
+A Chance to Die by Elisabeth Elliot
+Books 6-9 of the Anne of Green Gables series by L.M. Montgomery
+Bleak House by Charles Dickens
+The Mark of the Lion series by Francine Rivers
+The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

I would love to hear some of your favorite books or books you would recommend as well! As for now, I'm off to read....

No Ice Cream

2010-01-25T18:54:00.003-06:00

Yep, I'm not eating ice cream for a whole month. Why? I'm not really sure. I think I was inspired by my friend Karissa who, for school, had to do something she would normally not do. I think I was also inspired by Julie and Julia (by the way, you an actually read the real blog; I love it!).

Anyhow, I think I was inspired by those two things mainly. But since I work at an ice cream shop, I eat a ton of ice cream and just feel so unhealthy when I do. So I decided I wasn't going to eat ice cream for a month. I was going to give it up for Lent or something like that, but it's not something that distracts me from God or that I would give up for a reason like that. So, I just decided to do it now.

Ryan doesn't think I can do it. I told him I could. I think that's the main reason I'm doing it now. To prove to him that I can go a whole month without ice cream. Day one is done. I successfully made it a whole 8 hours at work without having even the tiniest bit of ice cream.

So, I, Courtney Anne Ayers, will not eat ice cream from today, January 25 until February 25, not at work or at home or at anyone else's house. No samples, no bowls of ice cream, no ice cream with brownies, no nothing. And I will do this.

Something's Missing....

2010-01-23T15:30:00.005-06:00

I've been missing INSIGHT a lot lately. I don't know why. There's been several times I've been at work and been thinking about it and all the memories and I've wanted to cry then and there (this is what happens when you are bored at work :D). Maybe it's 'cause I've been really nostalgic lately. Maybe it's 'cause all the insighers are back and doing school. Whatever the reason, I've been missing insight a whole ton. I've been having great fun with all my college friends this year, but it just seems like something's missing. But when I start to compare this year to last year, this quote from C.S. Lewis comes to mind and has been helping through my longings to be back at insight:

It seems to me that we often, almost sulkily reject the good that God offers us because, at that moment, we expected some other good...On every level of our life- in our religious experience, in our gastronomic, erotic, aesthetic, and social experience- we are always harking back to some occasion which seemed to us to reach perfection, setting that up as a norm, and depreciating all other occasions by comparison. But these other occasions, I now suspect, are often full of their own new blessing, if only we would lay ourselves open to it. God shows us a new facet of the glory, and we refuse to look at it because we're still looking for the old one...And the joke, or tragedy, of it all is that these golden moments in the past, which are so tormenting if we erect them into a norm, are entirely nourishing, wholesome, and enchanting if we are content to accept them for what they are, for memories. Properly bedded down in a past which we do not miserably try to conjure back, they will send up exquisite growths. Leave the bulbs alone, and the new flowers will come up. Grub them up and hope, by fondling and sniffing, to get last year's blooms, and you will get nothing. "Unless a seed die..."

At the beginning of this year, I was trying to compare this year and these experiences to insight. I know that's kinda weird because I'm not in school this year like I was last year, but in relationships and in my group of friends, I was trying to compare them to insight and they weren't meeting my expectations. Joe Rigney, at the end of the year, told us that the reason insight was so amazing was because we set low expectations and insight met and exceeded all of them. He told us not to set high expectations for our next years of school and not to set insight as the norm because if we did, we would be thoroughly disappointed. I didn't think I could do that this year since I wasn't in school. But I did. And it wasn't until after I read that quote by Lewis and after I started praying and giving it all over to God that I really started to connect with my college group friends and started having great great times with them.

It's been a great year, all in all. I just wish Insight didn't have to die. Not that it will be totally gone, but it's all memories now and I don't want it to be. I don't want to have everyone gone; I don't want to have to go somewhere else for school and not have all my insight people with me. But God is so faithful to accomplish all his plans. He knows what's best; I don't. I'll trust him then to do what's best, not me, not insight. This doesn't mean that I won't miss insight by any means, but it does mean that insight won't be my norm or my expectation at all this year or when I go down to Union. It will just be the most beautiful and wonderful memories of my whole life.

Dakota

2010-01-21T11:31:00.003-06:00

Some little puppy was excited for Christmas

But she's just so cute...

I love my puppy...

Memories

2010-01-14T11:53:00.003-06:00

Yesterday at work, my mind started wandering back through so many precious beautiful memories that I've had. Today has been no different. I've been going back and forth through so many beautiful wonderful things that have happened in my life.

*On the plane coming home from Guatemala, I was talking to Kyle and telling him how I thought it would be so great if people from the south campus came to greet us like people from the downtown campus always do, knowing full well that it wouldn't happen. As we came down the escalator, I saw Seth, Nate and Christina standing there and I yelled back up to Kyle, "They're here. They're here. They came, they came."
~Also while in Guatemala, I got third degree burns on my shoulders. Seeing people's reactions to that was quite hilarious. I remember walking into our last team meeting and only my roommates knew that I had these huge burns and Peter said, "Courtney, I think you have some slugs or something on your shoulder." I told him (and the whole group) that it was a sunburn. Hannah immediately came rushing over and was exclaiming over them with Heidi. Then Hannah got to help Rachel pop them and Heidi tried to stay and watch and eventually went outside saying, "If you need me, I'll be outside throwing up." Getting to the airport was no different and everyone was trying to give me hugs, but it wasn't quite working too well. :) I enjoyed it.
*Hannah ate a bug while in Guatemala. She started freaking out afterwards and Noah said "Well, Hannah, if you die, the first words out of Jesus' mouth will be 'Well done good and faithful servant.' The second will be 'Well that was stupid.'"
~Our whole INSIGHT class, plus a few others, went to Chicago to volunteer at the Gospel Coalition conference. Our last night there, Kat, Emily, TJ, Luke and Mac or Matt maybe, and I were all playing jenga at like 2 in the morning and Kat and I fell asleep. I vaguely remember anything else from that night at best.
*In Michigan, we stayed at Julie's house and our last night there, Mr. Kresge sprayed a wasp's hive causing all of them to come into the basement where we were sleeping. It was a terrifying night to say the least.
~Swing dancing the very first night that a ton of the INSIGHTers went. I was dancing the last dance with Luke and one of my shoes came off so I kicked the other one off and just about hit Mac in the head. His response: "Are you trying to kill me?" Yes, France-hater. :)
*Our accountability group went "camping" in the Watters' backyard. We were inside talking and I fell asleep in their comfy chair for about an hour before they woke me up and told me they were moving outside.
~One particular study hall my junior year. Joe and I were hanging out and we talked about how at my funeral instead of having a moment of silence, everyone will have a moment of laughter, and we came up with Joshua's nickname: Shua. And I laughed a lot that study hall.
*At Emily's house just this past week, Kamil tried to see how long he could get me to laugh while Kelly tried to get me to stop. It was so so so funny. Target!
~In France, we all sat around in the middle of the trip and Christina, Kelly and I, I think, had all been making fun of Jake and how he always said "pretty much amazing." I laughed every time he said it and I laughed a whole ton that night. I think Dylan and I were talking elephants and giraffes and it was really funny, I just don't know what was so funny about it, or the conversation at all.
*Also in France, when we were getting ready to go to the porcelain factory, Amy came up and took the mike and gave me a gift card of sorts to the porcelain factory from everyone to thank me for translating. I totally wasn't expecting it at all and it meant a lot.
~The Thursday before I left for Guatemala, I went to the Tapestry and went swing dancing. Everyone was there (no joke) except the INSIGHT people and it was beautiful. I loved every single moment. It was almost the best night swing dancing.
*One night I went swing dancing totally randomly and it was my first night in a million years and people actually were there (insight people!) and that night seriously caused my heart to worship God more.

I am so blessed by having such beautiful memories.

Peace Before the Morning

2010-01-12T21:12:00.004-06:00

Two of my favorite songs at this moment in time:

Before the Morning- Josh Wilson

Peace- Sovereign Grace Music

If You can calm the sea
Then You can comfort me
If winds obey Your voice
Why should I fear their noise
And though my eyes can’t see
I know You’re with me

Peace, You give me peace
When the storms come and I’m afraid
Peace, You give me peace
When I trust in the words You say
You give me peace

When someone starts to fight
And does things I don’t like
I hear Your gentle voice
Saying I have a choice
To make an enemy
Or to spread Your peace

Goodbye 2009. Hello 2010

2010-01-05T17:03:00.003-06:00

Five days into 2010. One day left to listen to Christmas music. Three hundred and sixty days left to experience God's grace in 2010. A lifetime to see God's blessings during 2009. Here's some of the things that I learned in 2009 and hope, by God's grace, to carry into 2010.

*God is faithful. I think this is the biggest lesson I learned. It's one of those things you know in your head, but doesn't sink into you heart until you see it first hand and it's one of the only things you can hold onto when everything else is changing. So many changes in my life: INSIGHT ending, Guatemala, preparing to go to Union, deciding to stay here, working more, teaching in K/1, in every aspect of my life, God was so faithful and carried me through each difficulty.

*Don't stop at the gift; run up the gift to the gift-giver. God gives us so very many beautiful blessings. And all of them are good. But if we stop at the gift and don't give gratitude and worship to the gift-giver, we miss the point. I did this with INSIGHT. I loved my classmates and for a couple weeks after classes ended, I didn't want to thank God for them, but wanted to wallow in depression because they were gone. INSIGHT was a beautiful gift from God and I stopped at that. That wasn't right. It wasn't until I gave it back to God and worshiped him for it that I started to be able to go back into life again.

*If you pray for something with faith that God will do it and it's according to his will, he'll do it. It may not be how or when you want it, but he will do it. It may require lots of sanctification and it may be really hard, but oh will it be good in the end. At the beginning of last year, I prayed to become a woman of prayer, no matter what it took. And second semester, that's what God worked on in my life. And it was one of the hardest things I've been through, but it was one of the best.

*Prayer is so important. Again, it's something you know you need to do, but it's so hard to do. I've been reading through E.M. Bound's complete works on prayer and they have been so convicting. If you don't spend time in prayer, you have no communion with God and God won't use you. It is so necessary to be in prayer, so very very necessary.

With these lessons in mind, these are my resolutions for 2010.

~To be in the Word and to be in prayer every morning, even if it means getting up early.
~To take every opportunity that I get to share the Gospel, even if it's just a word or two or in the way I act.
~To reach out more to newcomers and to include people.
~To go for a walk every day (that doesn't really fit with the others, but it's still a resolution).

Feel free to ask me how any and every one of these are going whenever you would like. That's what the Body of Christ is there for. Happy 2010.

2009 in Pictures

2009-12-30T21:06:00.045-06:00

JUST pictures. I'm not saying a word besides that these are my absolute favorite pictures from 2009 (and that's saying a lot because I have a TON!)

18 and a half

2009-12-26T16:54:00.009-06:00

Today, December 26, 2009 marks my half birthday of being eighteen. :) Just half a year until I'm 19. Mom says she doesn't think she's old enough to have an eighteen and a half year old, but I think she's fine.

Looking over the past half year, I have been blessed with many many good things. As this semester comes to an end, I am starting to see little glimpses of reasons why God has kept me here instead of sending me down to Union.

~To spend time with friends.

Looking back over this semester and half year, I have seen how I've been able to connect with the same group of people and new people in such a deep and new way. It has been so so so good.

~To appreciate family more.
\

As I've spent more time with my family, I think I've come to appreciate them more. I've been able to get closer to siblings and parents and it's been great.

~To invest in people
Besides investing time in friends, I've been able to invest in other people. Some of these have been the eight 1st graders in my small group on Wednesdays.

I don't know if these little ones will ever know how much they have blessed me and how much they have taught me just in this semester. In particular, one little boy, little Gus. I had him in my small group last year and he was a naughty little thing. This year, his parents held him back a year and he's in my small group again. At first, I was like "oh no, I have Gus again. What in heaven's name am I going to do?" But as this semester unfolded, yes, he has been naughty. Yes, it has been difficult dealing with him and yes, he still has the same amount of energy. But he has been an incredible blessing in my life. His mom informed me that I am his favorite teacher (how heart-melting is that?) He was in a performance of Hansel and Gretel today and mom and I went to it. After the play, the whole cast was talking to people and I went out to say hi to him. He saw me and yelled at the top of his lungs, "Miss Courtney!" and ran across the room and just jumped on me and gave me a huge hug. It was the most precious thing that I have ever experienced. I have experienced blessing upon blessing with him in my small group.

~To work.
One of my main objectives while staying here was to work. And I've been doing a lot of it. And not only am I working, but I am growing in relationships with my coworkers, especially one, Mary. We have had many talks about Christianity (she is a Christian, but a Catholic and has doubts and stuff) and predestination and God's glory and such things. It has been so so so great and I love her and all my coworkers so much.

~To grow.
I am so blessed to be at one of the best churches in the whole world, Bethlehem Baptist Church. We have been going through the book of John and all the sermons have convicted and challenged and encouraged me beyond belief. I am so happy I am here. I have also been reading a lot, both the Bible, theology books and just fun novels. I am so happy to have this year to read because during INSIGHT I had absolutely no time to read at all and the year before that, barely any.

While all this is happening and while I can see glimpses of reasons why I'm here, it doesn't take away any of the pain of not being down there and the longing to be there. God has a plan, a better one than mine. This semester has been amazing and I know the next one will be even better. And next year, Lord-willing, a nineteen year old will be on her way down to Union with a year of lessons learned and ready to enter a new phase of life. But for now, this eighteen and a half year old will ponder God's blessings here, in Minnesota, amongst all the snow and cold and marvel in his goodness and grace.

The Santa Claus Myth

2009-12-17T21:56:00.004-06:00

Santa Claus. Père Noël. Father Christmas. Mikulas. Papa Noel. Noel Baba. Sinter Claus. Kris Kringle. St. Nicholas. All around the world, this man is adored by children of all ages as they wait for him to bring them presents on Christmas Eve. But there's one thing that they don't know: he's not real.

For years upon years upon years people have believed in Santa. And for years upon years upon years people have believed a lie. Santa is not real and never has been real. Many years ago, there was a real person, St. Nicholas, who brought gifts to poor families, but he did it anonymously. After he was found out, people told his tale far and wide and the story grew and grew until Santa developed.

Why do people who know that Santa isn't real keep telling their kids that he is real and keep trying to believe in him? Because he is a false savior. He is someone besides Jesus who people can put their trust in and believe that he is real. As Noel Piper stated on the Desiring God blog, he has many of the same attributes of God:

+He’s omniscient—he sees everything you do.
+He rewards you if you’re good.
+He’s omnipresent—at least, he can be everywhere in one night.
+He gives you good gifts.
+He’s the most famous “old man in the sky” figure.

And I would add one more: no one has ever seen him. No one has ever seen him and yet they still believe in him. Sounds an awfully lot like God, doesn't it? As my dad pointed out to me the other day, if you rearrange the letters of Santa you get Satan. I'm not implying that Santa is satanic by any means, but as 2 Corinthians 4:4 says: "In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God." Santa may well be a way of hiding the truth from people.

Some might think that Santa is just something cute to tell their kids and that it can't harm anything. On the contrary, both my parents distinctly remember when they found out that Santa isn't real and it devastated both of them because their parents lied to them. Do we really want our kids to think we lied to them all this time? And little kids who can't process very well can get God and Santa confused. Do we want our kids to be confusing Santa with God? That is not ok.

The whole Santa Claus myth makes me mad. Our culture is lying to our kids and deceiving them. Like this website: NORAD Tracks Santa. NORAD, a part of the military from what I gather, supposedly tracks Santa on Christmas Eve. They post videos of him flying all throughout the day on Christmas Eve. You can track Santa in Google Earth. You can have them email you where he is at any given moment. You can even call them and find out exactly where he is. One of the tabs on their website is all about Santa and on the drop-down menu, one of the options is "Is he real?" I clicked this and was brought here where I listened to a letter written by an 8-year-old girl to the editor of the New York Sun in 1897 and the editor's response.

"They do not believe because they do not see...Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as surely as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they all abound and give your life it's highest beauty and joy...Alas, dreary would be the world if there was no Santa Claus...There would be no child-like faith then...The external light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished...Even if you didn't seen Santa Claus, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign there is no Santa Claus...The most real things are things which neither children nor men can see...Ah Virginia, there is nothing else in all this world as real and abiding. No Santa Claus? Thank God he lives and lives forever.

I cannot believe at all that a grown-up man in his right mind wrote that. I am so thankful my parents didn't tell me things like that.

I will not be a part of deceiving our children. I will not stand by and watch attributes of God being taken to contribute to a lie. I will not ever let my children think for one moment Santa is real. And on Christmas Eve, I will visit the NORAD website and laugh at their foolishness, and then be saddened that millions of children around are believing a lie.

I'm sorry to say....

2009-12-15T15:07:00.002-06:00

that I am going to discontinue my one-a-day-until-Christmas posts. Why?

1) I came up with the idea on a whim in November and didn't realize all it would entail.
2) It takes too much time.
3) I'm running out of ideas.
4) It's too constraining on my writing. I need freedom to write whatever I would like.

This doesn't mean I won't post Christmas-y things up until Christmas, and it doesn't necessarily mean that I won't post every day, but it does mean it's not guaranteed. Sorry for any inconvenience, but I just can't continue with a Christmas-y constraint. So, my normal blog will now continue....

Twelve Days of Christmas

2009-12-14T21:43:00.003-06:00

I just found out that the song The Twelve Days of Christmas has more than one meaning. Besides being a random and somewhat pointless song, each of the gifts in the song talk about something from the Bible because in England for a while Roman Catholics weren't able to speak about their faith. Therefore they wrote this song to teach children about the Bible. It's super cool!

The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ.
Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments.
Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love.
The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.
The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation.
Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit-Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy.
The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes.
Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit - Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control.
The ten lords a-leaping were the ten commandments.
The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples.
The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in the Apostles' Creed.

The things you learned.

PS. And yes, I know I failed at my one Christmas post a day until Christmas thing. Just a reminder that God is the only one who can always keep his promises. :)

I Want a Hippopatamus for Christmas...

2009-12-10T21:28:00.001-06:00

not really, but this little girl does. This is the funniest Christmas song EVER!

Joy in Christ

2009-12-09T22:42:00.004-06:00

Tonight in 1st grade we talked about how God made water to display his glory. During our small group time, we finished all the questions relatively quickly (especially since I was missing a page in my book) and so I asked them what their favorite part about Christmas was. After several answers, one little girl said "Sometimes at Christmas I really like the presents and I forget about God. I don't want to forget about God because I know he's the main reason for Christmas, but it's really hard." These were precious words for me to hear. We then started discussing idols and what things can become idols in our hearts. I then told them that every day of their lives they will be fighting for joy in Christ every single day of their lives. I told them to pray that they would want to love Jesus more than everything. I told them that they should memorize verses to help them fight for joy. It was seriously the best conversation I've ever had with my little first graders in six years of small group leading.

And that's what I'll encourage you to do too. Fight for joy this Christmas. Fight against all the commercialization and secularization of Christmas. Fight to love Christ more than everything else this Christmas.

Truth... the 11 year old way

2009-12-08T20:29:00.002-06:00

Geoffrey tonight when we were sharing prayer requests:

"Pray that we don't focus so much on getting but on giving. And that we focus on Easter because that's the end of the story and it's more important than the beginning."

Amen. Let's focus on Easter as we focus on Christmas this year.

"It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year..."

2009-12-07T22:21:00.005-06:00

I love Christmas. Here's my favorite favorite parts about Christmas:

~The music. Seriously. Right about a week before Thanksgiving, I really get antsy to start listening to it. This year, I started the Sunday before Thanksgiving, but only because my mom and brother who wouldn't let me listen to it until after Thanksgiving were gone.
~Candy canes. I share them with my dog. If that bothers you, get over it. :) But seriously, candy canes are quite possibly my favorite part of Christmas.
~The Christmas Eve services at church. I love these services. Christmas Eve, New Years Eve and Maundy Thursday are my three favorite services at church. In that order. I can't tell you why, but the Christmas Eve services are just so beautiful and so great at preparing your heart for Christmas.
~The decorations. Lights, trees, stockings, anything else. I just love Christmas decorations. I especially love going out driving around looking at Christmas lights on the houses. So great.
~Jesus. I know. I end every list with Jesus, but that's 'cause Jesus is the most important (and if you put something last, people'll be more likely to remember it). Christmas is about the birth of Christ, but it's not just about his birth, it's about his death for you and me. Thank you God!